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As a gentle reminder to Alberto Gonzalez: Breach

Mr. Gonzalez may not be able to recall all the way back to February of this year, but this movie is a rare early year drama about governmental espionage. Generally, these sorts of methodical spy vs. spy thrillers are saved for either the summer box office campaign a la The Bourne Identity or end-of-year awards season a la Spy Game. Breach lacks the star power of either of those titles, so Universal slotted it during a time of year when all of the competition's quality is supposed to be shaky. Given that Breach is widely regarded as a great movie (currently 83% at Rotten Tomatoes), this bit of counter-programming should have proved more successful than it did. Breach has earned $33.0 million domestically, making it an okay performer for the studio but not a breadwinner. For my part, I have seen Breach and I find it to be a masterful demonstration of Chris Cooper's acting ability, but the movie leaves me cold on the whole. It lacks the gripping moments a great spy thriller needs to be remembered as one of the great ones. I hope you have better luck with it than I did.

For people who drive their friends nuts by constantly making Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris jokes: Walker, Texas Ranger: The Third Season (7-DVD Set) (1995)

They were funny for about two weeks, folks. Now, it's time to let them go. I beg of you.



For R. Kelly: Daddy's Little Girls

Tyler Perry's magic officially wore off with this, his third major studio release. After the popular transvestite's first two movies earned $50.4 million against a $5.5 million budget and $63.2 million against a $6.0 million budget, this production managed only $31.1 million against a $30 million budget (Perry got a raise, and that's the cause of the budget spike). The explanation is simple enough. As I type this, Daddy's Little Girls is currently ranked as the 40th worst movie of all-time on IMDb. By my count, that makes it Perry's best movie to date.







For a Valentine's Day gift for that special Suicide Girl you love: Blood and Chocolate

Sure, the title may sound like a romantic, soon to be sensuous evening ruined by an ill-timed menstrual cycle, but this movie is actually based upon a popular pre-teen/teen novel written by Annette Curtis Klause. The idea for a theatrical adaptation is simple. This is exactly the same demographic that makes or breaks horror movies. So, converting a title that already has a built-in fan-base should guarantee solid box office, right? RIGHT??? Uh, no. Blood and Chocolate opened to a lousy $2.1 million and that number sadly represents the majority of its final domestic total, $3.5 million. It received no studio support and the reason why is just as simple as was the case with Daddy's Little Girls above. The movie is by all accounts horrible, earning a dreadful 10% rating at Rotten Tomatoes (even Daddy's Little Girls managed 24%) and not doing much better in terms of audience acceptance. Blood and Chocolate's best hope now is to discover a second life on home video. Having not seen the movie yet, I won't discount this possibility but it seems...ambitious. Then again, so did Boondock Saints once upon a time.

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