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This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for August 22-24, 2014

By Curt David

August 22, 2014

You really need water for an effective Titanic recreation.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Rocky & Bullwinkle), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Natalie Portman in No Strings Attached), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 39%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of August 22nd, new movies in wide release are Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, If I Stay, and When the Game Stands Tall.






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So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For scores 3 and 1/3 points (and a gold star), If I Stay scores 3 and 1/3 points, and When The Game Stands Tall scores 1/3 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked The Fault in Our Stars, feel free to watch If I Stay. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Sin City 2 and If I Stay are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline, which serves as this column’s tie breaker. When the Game’s “It’s not how hard you fall, it’s how you get back up” isn’t going to do it. Nor is If I Stay’s “Live for Love.” The gold star will have to go to Sin City’s “There is no justice without sin,” which makes it the winning movie this weekend.
Conclusion 3: Chloe’s a good actress. I like how in this movie she plays a calm lovestruck cellist AND an emotional, highly strung, self-conscious person, and in other movies she has played a kick-ass foul-mouthed fighter in Kick-Ass, a cute kid in Hugo and Diary of a Wimpy Kid, a female vampire in Let Me In, and Carrie in Carrie! She’s like the only actress who can play roles that Meryl Streep can’t...she’s that good.

*Statistic is completely made up.




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Saturday, August 23, 2014
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