Stealth Entertainment
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
By Scott Lumley
June 24, 2008
Quartermain makes good time to London where he meets up with other League members Mina Harker, Captain Nemo and Skinner. We're subjected to a number of cool special effects for the invisible man as he takes the time put makeup on in front of the League. The effect is very impressive, but completely demolished 30 seconds later as the group heads out to recruit another member. Skinner sits in the car with Quartermain and Harker so completely and perfectly covered in makeup that the inside of his ears and nostrils can be seen, almost as if he wasn't actually invisible.
And here is the primary issue with the film, not only does it deviate mightily from its source material, it's just plain sloppy. Things happen that just don't make sense. Characters crash cars into buildings at high speed just before a short range missile smashes into the building, yet the same character appears in the next scene with no more than a scratch and some dust to indicate what happened. There isn't even an attempt to explain how he extricated himself from what was most certainly a fatally heroic maneuver. Bad guys spray automatic weapons while laughing maniacally or screaming at the top of their lungs, an act that tends to make one look constipated, not intimidating. One character pulls out a musket and shoots another four times, which is a neat trick with a breech-loaded weapon.
This is a shame because for every piece of sloppy film there's a very cool sequence to counterbalance it. The league heads out to Dorian Gray's home to recruit him and the Phantom intercepts them there. A huge brawl ensues and Dorian casually wanders through the slaughter wielding a rapier with surgical precision. One henchman steps in front of him and literally unloads an entire clip of bullets into his chest, with little effect other than to irritate Gray. Gray in turn casually slices the armor off his assailant's chest and efficiently stabs him in the heart. The henchman collapses, ripping off Gray's shirt, where we can see 30 odd holes in his chest spewing ash and magically healing. The nearly dead henchman wonders aloud what exactly Gray is and Gray's only response is "I'm complicated." He then minces off to presumably slaughter and mock other well armed henchmen.
That scene alone made me forgive Stuart Townsend for Queen of the Damned.
The plot moves along briskly after they recruit Gray. The League heads off to France to recruit Mr. Hyde and they manage to win him and his laughably bad special effects over to the team. The group then piles back into the Nautilus and heads to Venice, where things become ridiculous yet again. The League manages to stop a huge slaughter there, but one of the group turns on them and the true reason for their gathering is revealed. Someone has gathered the League to steal their secrets, and they have done so quite efficiently. The League ponders a world full of Hydes, Vampires and Invisible men and realizes that a world filled with that many bad special effects would only lead to worldwide suffering. They vow to stop the thief in any way possible.
This queues up the always mandatory showdown between the sort of good guys and the most definitely bad guys and things proceed in a typical Hollywood way. Lots of people explode, die, catch fire and get shot, and we are treated to some of the most ridiculous CGI ever seen. Seriously. This stuff makes Jar Jar Binks look inspired.
All in all, LXG was an interesting experiment, but a failed one. I'd like to recommend this film, but in truth, unless you have a taste for truly bad films, this is one to avoid.
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