Episode Seven: Girls Gone Wilder
By Dan Krovich
The Jaburu tribe returns to camp after voting off Shawna and takes a quick
moment to grieve her loss. Alex is particularly mopey because he has lost
his scalp massager. Talk does quickly turn to strategy, however, when Rob
brings up the plan that the Jaburu guys will pretend with the other guys
that the males are going to stick together as a misdirection and then vote
one of the Tambaqui guys off. The plan at first seems too complicated for
Jenna, who has too much silicone in her breasts and air in her head, but
they are eventually able to make Jenna understand by using stick figure
drawings. Rob's first target is Dave, who he thinks is the biggest threat,
and everyone agrees.
The tree mail contains a key that will open the lock-box that has been at
camp since day one. Everyone seems extremely excited about the prospect of
opening this mysterious box, and they go about it at both tribes with great
fanfare. What will be in it? Some ancient Amazonian artifact? A great
reward? A puzzle? Al Gore's social security plan? They put the key in the
lock, turn it, open the box, and see...a freaking scroll!? What the hell?
All this build up with the secret box that they can't get into, and all that's in it is a freaking scroll? It's like getting underwear for Christmas.
And what does the scroll say? Well, it says that they are merging, which
they all pretty much suspected anyway. Whither the big surprises and
twists? Surely we're not just going to get a simple merge.
Oh yes, that's what we're going to get. So, the tribes come together and
Jeff announces that they are now merged into a single tribe. They will have
to move to a new campsite, come up with a new name, make a new flag, yada,
yada, yada. When they arrive at the new campsite, they are treated to a
buffet feast. They all dig in, and for a while get along. They come up
with a new name, Jacqueray (I'll get the correct spelling when they use it
in a subtitle), which is Portuguese for alligator or something. Roger
wastes no time in alienating himself from the rest of the tribe. He breaks
up the party to get to work, and then he has the audacity to suggest using
the ice they have to keep the food fresh instead of keeping the beer cold.
That obviously is a good suggestion, though Roger doesn't go about things in
a diplomatic way.
The next discussion is about where to put the camp. Deena and Roger butt
heads as they were the leaders of their respective tribes, and both try to
assert leadership here. Deena's main concern is that they build the shelter
in a location that minimizes the risk of getting eaten by a crocodile, but
Roger isn't all that concerned about becoming a midnight snack. Roger keeps
digging himself deeper and deeper with the rest of the tribe, and suddenly
the plan to vote Dave off next is looking murky. The shelter digging
becomes another man versus woman thing as Roger takes control and assigns
the duties. That means men do the building and women collect palm fronds.
Some of the women are annoyed, and it does seem chauvinistic, but then I
remember back to the first days and the comparison between the men's shelter
and the women's shelter and realize with this group of women, this may be
the best plan.
Rob points out that while some people are building a shelter, other people
are building alliances, and most likely, those working on alliances will be
the ones living in the shelter. Roger, meanwhile, has completely played his
way out of the game. When Heidi is approached about the plan, she agrees to
go along with it, but begs for Roger to go first instead of Dave. Her
reasoning is that they need to get rid of Roger before he gets on the jury
because he would never vote for a woman. Deena buys it (and doesn't like
Roger anyway) so Roger moves into the next out slot. Roger naively still
believes that the guys will stick together and that it's a matter of picking
off the four girls before he has to worry. Oh and there's the new flag - it's spelled Jacaré.
That evening, they have a beer bash. Well, everyone but Roger has a beer
bash. Roger, Roger, Roger, sometimes I just don't understand how people
play this game. The one obvious thing you must do in a game that involves
group voting is to try to fit in, but while they all sit around drinking
beer, Roger decides to get some shuteye. The topic of conversation quickly
turns to sex and we learn that Christy is not exactly the nice innocent girl
we thought as she describes getting boned at the world's largest phallic
symbol, The Washington Monument, during the Fourth of July fireworks. Rob
can't participate very much, though his fixation on Dave and his "All-American charm" is beginning to border on the homoerotic, so
maybe he will soon. To end the evening, Heidi lets the age-old secret out
of the bag that basically all a girl really wants is a good, old-fashioned
The next day, the camp looks like old man Johnson's field after the high
school kids get through with it on a Friday night. Beer cans are littered
all over the place, and most of the tribe is asleep. Well, all of the tribe
is asleep except for, you guessed it, Roger, who has decided that now is a
good time to do some loud chopping because we all know that the best way to
make friends is to wake them up early in the morning after they have been
drinking. So basically, the rest of this episode is set up. Unless Roger
wins immunity, he's going home. That just means we have to listen to Deena
babble with her Adam and Eve analogies about how the guys are cocky. Deena
is annoying and cocky herself, but she at least has reason to be as she is
currently on the right side of things.
The immunity challenge is the simple who can stand on a perch the longest
contest. Last one standing wins immunity. It immediately doesn't look good
for Roger who almost falls off before it begins. It's an interesting
situation because everyone is under the impression that they are pretty
safe, and we know that everyone is safe but Roger. Though it has nothing to
do with the challenge, Heidi and Jenna take their clothes off before jumping
in for cookies and peanut butter. Roger gives in next, which means that the
rest of them really have no reason to have to worry about immunity, and
Deena eventually wins a not very hard fought immunity challenge.
They don't even try to build suspense for the vote. Roger, Dave, and Butch
believe that there is still a guy versus girl alliance, while the other
seven know that Roger is going home. You would think Roger would get a clue
that no one likes him, but he doesn't. Even when Jeff tries to give him a
hint at tribal council, Roger doesn't seem to get it. They vote, punctuated
by Rob's painful attempt at a "humorous" Casey Kasem impersonation - he
could have at least gone the Negativeland route with it - and Roger is
dismissed seven to three.