Survivor: Amazon

Episode Seven: Girls Gone Wilder

By Dan Krovich

Get off my lawn, you lousy kids!

The Jaburu tribe returns to camp after voting off Shawna and takes a quick moment to grieve her loss. Alex is particularly mopey because he has lost his scalp massager. Talk does quickly turn to strategy, however, when Rob brings up the plan that the Jaburu guys will pretend with the other guys that the males are going to stick together as a misdirection and then vote one of the Tambaqui guys off. The plan at first seems too complicated for Jenna, who has too much silicone in her breasts and air in her head, but they are eventually able to make Jenna understand by using stick figure drawings. Rob's first target is Dave, who he thinks is the biggest threat, and everyone agrees.

The tree mail contains a key that will open the lock-box that has been at camp since day one. Everyone seems extremely excited about the prospect of opening this mysterious box, and they go about it at both tribes with great fanfare. What will be in it? Some ancient Amazonian artifact? A great reward? A puzzle? Al Gore's social security plan? They put the key in the lock, turn it, open the box, and see...a freaking scroll!? What the hell? All this build up with the secret box that they can't get into, and all that's in it is a freaking scroll? It's like getting underwear for Christmas. And what does the scroll say? Well, it says that they are merging, which they all pretty much suspected anyway. Whither the big surprises and twists? Surely we're not just going to get a simple merge.

Oh yes, that's what we're going to get. So, the tribes come together and Jeff announces that they are now merged into a single tribe. They will have to move to a new campsite, come up with a new name, make a new flag, yada, yada, yada. When they arrive at the new campsite, they are treated to a buffet feast. They all dig in, and for a while get along. They come up with a new name, Jacqueray (I'll get the correct spelling when they use it in a subtitle), which is Portuguese for alligator or something. Roger wastes no time in alienating himself from the rest of the tribe. He breaks up the party to get to work, and then he has the audacity to suggest using the ice they have to keep the food fresh instead of keeping the beer cold. That obviously is a good suggestion, though Roger doesn't go about things in a diplomatic way.

The next discussion is about where to put the camp. Deena and Roger butt heads as they were the leaders of their respective tribes, and both try to assert leadership here. Deena's main concern is that they build the shelter in a location that minimizes the risk of getting eaten by a crocodile, but Roger isn't all that concerned about becoming a midnight snack. Roger keeps digging himself deeper and deeper with the rest of the tribe, and suddenly the plan to vote Dave off next is looking murky. The shelter digging becomes another man versus woman thing as Roger takes control and assigns the duties. That means men do the building and women collect palm fronds. Some of the women are annoyed, and it does seem chauvinistic, but then I remember back to the first days and the comparison between the men's shelter and the women's shelter and realize with this group of women, this may be the best plan.

Rob points out that while some people are building a shelter, other people are building alliances, and most likely, those working on alliances will be the ones living in the shelter. Roger, meanwhile, has completely played his way out of the game. When Heidi is approached about the plan, she agrees to go along with it, but begs for Roger to go first instead of Dave. Her reasoning is that they need to get rid of Roger before he gets on the jury because he would never vote for a woman. Deena buys it (and doesn't like Roger anyway) so Roger moves into the next out slot. Roger naively still believes that the guys will stick together and that it's a matter of picking off the four girls before he has to worry. Oh and there's the new flag - it's spelled Jacaré.

That evening, they have a beer bash. Well, everyone but Roger has a beer bash. Roger, Roger, Roger, sometimes I just don't understand how people play this game. The one obvious thing you must do in a game that involves group voting is to try to fit in, but while they all sit around drinking beer, Roger decides to get some shuteye. The topic of conversation quickly turns to sex and we learn that Christy is not exactly the nice innocent girl we thought as she describes getting boned at the world's largest phallic symbol, The Washington Monument, during the Fourth of July fireworks. Rob can't participate very much, though his fixation on Dave and his "All-American charm" is beginning to border on the homoerotic, so maybe he will soon. To end the evening, Heidi lets the age-old secret out of the bag that basically all a girl really wants is a good, old-fashioned threesome.

The next day, the camp looks like old man Johnson's field after the high school kids get through with it on a Friday night. Beer cans are littered all over the place, and most of the tribe is asleep. Well, all of the tribe is asleep except for, you guessed it, Roger, who has decided that now is a good time to do some loud chopping because we all know that the best way to make friends is to wake them up early in the morning after they have been drinking. So basically, the rest of this episode is set up. Unless Roger wins immunity, he's going home. That just means we have to listen to Deena babble with her Adam and Eve analogies about how the guys are cocky. Deena is annoying and cocky herself, but she at least has reason to be as she is currently on the right side of things.

The immunity challenge is the simple who can stand on a perch the longest contest. Last one standing wins immunity. It immediately doesn't look good for Roger who almost falls off before it begins. It's an interesting situation because everyone is under the impression that they are pretty safe, and we know that everyone is safe but Roger. Though it has nothing to do with the challenge, Heidi and Jenna take their clothes off before jumping in for cookies and peanut butter. Roger gives in next, which means that the rest of them really have no reason to have to worry about immunity, and Deena eventually wins a not very hard fought immunity challenge.

They don't even try to build suspense for the vote. Roger, Dave, and Butch believe that there is still a guy versus girl alliance, while the other seven know that Roger is going home. You would think Roger would get a clue that no one likes him, but he doesn't. Even when Jeff tries to give him a hint at tribal council, Roger doesn't seem to get it. They vote, punctuated by Rob's painful attempt at a "humorous" Casey Kasem impersonation - he could have at least gone the Negativeland route with it - and Roger is dismissed seven to three.



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Thursday, December 13, 2018
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