Episode Five: Pick-Up Sticks
By Dan Krovich
Ah, episode five, the episode where we've come to expect a twist, but first we
need to take a look at the fallout from the last voting. At Camp Vagina,
Deena is very pleased with her position because now that Joanna is gone, she
is clearly the tribe's leader. Jeanne, on the other hand, is not a happy
camper. She sees the situation pretty clearly. When the tribe voted out
her closest ally instead of the half dead woman who was begging to leave,
she knows she's in trouble.
In contrast, Camp Penis is cruising along. The guys work well together and
seem to actually be having fun camping out. All is going well, and they are
chopping some wood, and then Alex proceeds to stab himself in the face with
a machete. It looked pretty innocent at first as a piece of wood bounced
back, but in slow motion you can clearly see that the rebound forced the
machete into his forehead. We almost had a Red Ryder BB gun moment. You'll
shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out! Alas, the injury is
relatively minor when you consider what the result of being stabbed in the
face with a machete could be.
Jeanne decides it's time to confront her tribemates. It's always a tricky
proposition when you realize that you are in the minority. One thing you
can do is try to suck up as much as possible. Jeanne decides to confront
the others, but she does it rather mildly and Deena easily sidesteps the
question, though Jeanne does realize there's not much sense in her
continuing to do all the work around camp as she's the next to go anyway.
Now is the time on Survivor when we do the reward challenge, but aha, here
comes that twist. The tree mail says that only the youngest person from
each tribe will take part in whatever is about to happen. That means Dave
will represent the Penis and Jenna will represent the Vagina. They are
given a map, which describes where they are supposed to go, and amazingly
Jenna is able to figure out how to get there. "There" includes a bungalow
with a shower, a bed, and lots of food and drink. They discuss their
respective tribes a bit. On Dave's part that seems to mean that he gives
the basic biographical details about his tribemates. Jenna, meanwhile,
spills all of the interpersonal dynamics and alliance details of her entire
Later in the evening, Dave decides it's time to turn on the charm by letting
Jenna know that all the guys like to talk about her "sexy ass." Of course,
here's where the editors decide to do one of their little jokes as they cut
to a shot of Jenna picking said ass, though at the very least there were
hours between Dave's ass comment and this shot, and I'm fairly certain that
isn't even Jenna anyway. It doesn't appear that the hand in the shot is
wearing the bracelet that Jenna always wears, so more likely, it's some
random production assistant. Later they shower, and because the shower
walls are somewhat see-through Dave can see Jenna's breasts. In Dave's mind
"this is the greatest thing that ever happened" to him. So I'm guessing
that Dave has never seen boobies on a real girl before.
When Dave and Jenna awake the next day, Jeff has a surprise for them. It's
time for new tribes, and they are going to draft them. The drafting is
going to go boy-girl-boy-girl, so the tribes will each end up with equal
numbers of men and women. This is where Jenna's blabbermouth pays off for
Dave. He strategically breaks up the women's alliances to use for his own
advantage, and his tribe winds up consisting of the two guys he can count on
most and three women who aren't exactly unified. Jenna is very upset about
the fact that she and Heidi are going to be separated, but not nearly as upset
as I am when it dawns on me that this new development is going to prohibit my
juvenile need to say Penis and Vagina in these recaps every week. What the
heck are these tribe names again, Tanqueray and Jambalaya?
I guess it's time to do a reset. Formerly Camp Penis, Tambaqui (thanks
subtitles) now consists of Dave, Roger, Butch, Heidi, Jeanne, and Christy.
Formerly Camp Vagina, Jaburu now consists of Jenna, Deena, Shawna,
Alex, Rob, and Matt. So they do the tribal Chinese fire drill to rearrange
The women that come over to Tambaqui seem generally pleased with the new
arrangement, and why wouldn't they, considering that this is the lap of
luxury compared to the mess of a camp they just left. Also, Jeanne went
from the guaranteed next to go to at least feeling like she has a chance.
Christy also likes this new tribe because unlike the girls, who shunned her
from day one, the guys go out of their way to make her feel included. Roger
and Butch's paternal instincts in particularly come out for Christy. There
are somewhat mixed feelings at Jaburu. Shawna miraculously goes from near
death to the life of the party the moment she has some guys to flirt with.
Deena (the ugly one of the pretty girl alliance), however, is annoyed
because she went from a position where she was in control to feeling that
Shawna may jump the alliance at any moment for a piece of Alex's hot ass.
The new tribes are going to be put to the test fairly quickly as the
immunity challenge is on deck. The challenge is in two parts. In the first
part they have to do a word scramble to find five words, and then they have
to paddle the canoe and grab five flags. Tambaqui takes the early lead, but
when they get stuck on the last word, Jabaru takes a significant lead.
Tambaqui does make up some ground on the rowing portion, but not enough, and
Jaburu wins immunity.
So Tambaqui will be going to tribal council. The three women had agreed on
the way to their new camp that they would stick together, so it is just a
matter of deciding which guy they are going to vote for and hoping they can
win whatever tiebreaker results from the three to three gender line split.
Not so fast, my friends. Dave creates a slight breach of etiquette by
skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat with a triple dog
dare, and he offers Heidi a deal. If she votes with the guys and votes off
Jeanne, they'll keep her around.
They head into tribal council with Heidi as the swing vote. The guys are
going to vote for Jeanne, and the women are going to vote for Butch. It's
just a matter of whether Heidi will stick with the women like she agreed to.
There is an attempt to build some suspense by showing everyone's vote except
for Heidi's. Of course, that suspense is only if you have any doubt
whatsoever that Heidi will turn on her fellow women in a heartbeat to save
herself for a little longer. True to form, she votes against Jeanne (though
maybe she actually did think she was voting against a guy seeing as she
spelled it "Gene") and Jeanne becomes the fifth person eliminated as