Box Office Prophets: Trailer Hitch for May 23, 2003

Trailer Hitch for May 23, 2003

By Zach Kolkin

Rowan tires of requests to do the 'Awful Wedded Wife' bit

11. Shaolin Soccer

Sometimes I am forced to stop and wonder how certain movies ever get made. Watching the trailer for Shaolin Soccer was definitely one of those times. Advertising itself as a cross between The Bad News Bears, The Matrix, and those poorly voiced-over Kung Fu movies we all know and love, this has to be one of the most ridiculous movies I've ever seen. Sure, we all love wire martial arts stunts, and of course we're big fans of sports movies, but some genres just don't belong together, even in a parody. Although I really can't make anything of this movie, there is one thing I'm sure of- someone at Miramax was having a very bad day when they decided to pick this movie up for US distribution.

10. The Last Samurai

Tom "I'm too cool to get a haircut" Cruise stars in this film telling the story of...well, actually I have no idea what the premise of this film is, since this trailer divulges practically nothing about the story line. Apparently Cruise plays the only white man in Japan, who helps the Japanese in their fight against...well, someone. We've still got a ways to go until December, so hopefully we'll have a little better clue as to what the story is in the coming months, but for an ad that will most likely play before a bunch of big summer films, this preview is disappointingly uninteresting.

9. Rugrats Go Wild

Just when you thought that the Rugrats had finally bit the dust, Nickelodeon has brought back the franchise in a tie-in with the newer world of the Wild Thornberrys. I think this entire trailer can be summed up with the simple fact that the big joke used to close out the preview and presumably leave you wanting to see the movie is about a dog eating poop. Although this trailer certainly tries very hard, it simply isn't funny. Maybe kids will be a little more accepting of the humor, but certainly this is not the type of children's film that adults will also be excited to see. I am also slightly puzzled by the attention given to Bruce Willis voicing the dog. While Willis' involvement is noteworthy, are kids really going to care that much? If they want to see this film, I highly doubt that it's because Willis is in the cast.

8. Man on the Train

This intriguing look at the French suspense film "Man on the Train" is obviously quite geared towards American audiences. The entire trailer is done in voice over, probably designed to eliminate the need for subtitles; however, it seemed that the narrator was given a little too much to say, and it actually distracted from the focus on the movie's story. Furthermore, the voice over often strayed into the territory of movie clichés, something that one would expect a small foreign film such as this one to avoid. In any case, the movie certainly looks interesting, although it definitely could have benefited from a slightly more rousing preview.

7. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Somebody ought to tell these people that moviegoers aren't likely to confuse the Terminator franchise with The Matrix. "A world of permanent darkness where machines control man's destiny"? I'm pretty sure I and about seven trillion others saw a movie that fits this exact description just this past weekend. Beyond that, this trailer just features more of the same scenes we've been seeing for a while now in the T3 spots. All the gunplay and big explosions are certainly impressive, but none of it's enough to really elicit a "wow." I wish I could get more excited for this film, but unfortunately it just doesn't look like the spectacular summer blockbuster it should be.

6. Wrong Turn

Two short ads have been released for this new horror film starring Buffy babe Eliza Dushku, and both are very effective at touching on all the high points of a good teen slasher flick. Most important, of course, is the young, attractive cast, certainly seen here. There is not too much focus on the plot beyond the requisite mention of a scary story coming true. The trailer dutifully informs us that the psycho killer's weapon of choice is a hatchet, which earns high marks in the blood and gore category. All in all, Wrong Turn has the look of your typical teen horror movie. While it may not be the best film to grace the silver screen this summer, would the season really be the same without a marginally successful horror film or two?

5. Kaena: The Prophecy

Kaena: The Prophecy is notable as it is the first European film to be animated completely with CGI. Somewhat surprisingly, the film has not yet found a distributor in the U.S., despite the fact that the movie boasts a cast of voices including Kirsten Dunst, the late, great Richard Harris, and Anjelica Huston. The animation is spectacular, particularly in terms of the surreally beautiful world in which the story is set. The plot seems somewhat dark for a younger audience, but it is hard to tell from the preview, which understandably focuses in large part on the visuals. Nevertheless, I would be quite surprised if this film did not eventually get released here in North America, as it looks like it has the potential to be a very interesting animated film.

4. Love's Brother

Although this film is still a long way out (it is currently scheduled to be released sometime in 2004), this early trailer shows a lot of potential. The story seems quite interesting, centering on an insecure brother who sends his brother's photo to a woman in an effort to woo her long-distance. However, when the girl shows up, the brother ends up falling in love with her, and complications obviously ensue. While Giovanni Ribisi is the film's biggest name, the movie nevertheless looks to have several very good performances. This is definitely a movie to keep an eye on in the future.

3. Johnny English

Although Rowan Atkinson was always amusing as Mr. Bean, I don't think anyone would argue the fact that the character wore out his welcome rather quickly (particularly when he appeared under a different alias in other films, such as Rat Race). Consequently, it's nice to see Atkinson taking on a new role here in Johnny English, the latest film in perhaps the most prolific subgenre of the parody, the James Bond spoof. This preview is surprisingly funny, and not nearly as inane as it might have been. While many might think this to be a cheap knock-off of Austin Powers, Atkinson is an exceptionally funny man, and I'll be quite interested to see what he brings to the table as the anti-Bond.

2. The Legend of Suriyothai

Though several other films this week have gone the route of not using any actual dialogue in their previews, The Legend of Suriyothai absolutely does it best. Instead of relying on a lengthy voice over or a boatload of glowing reviews, the trailer uses short but effective taglines, one quote from a review, and a rousing score to sell the film. Even without dialogue, it seems clear that the movie tells an epic story, and the scenes we see fit right into this mold. Hopefully this trailer will get a little bit of exposure, as I think it has a very good chance to interest many moviegoers, particularly those who are not normally that interested in foreign films.

1. Bad Boys 2

In a week of disappointing trailers for big summer blockbusters, this surprisingly impressive preview stands out. From the opening car chase to the hint of a kidnapping in the plotline, the ad showcases everything that makes an action movie fun. It combines humor, gorgeous cars, gorgeous women, spectacular explosions, camaraderie, and even a little bit of seriousness. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence seem to have a great chemistry together, and do a great job of selling this as a fun movie. While Bad Boys 2 was not a film I was particularly looking forward to several months ago, it now looks like it has the potential to be one of the better blockbusters in the coming months.