December 25, 2002

Dear Santa, the li'l tykes at BOP have been good little boys and girls this year. All we ask in return for our altruistic tendencies is innumerable material goods. So get a back-up sled to haul the booty and get ready to make some last minute stops.

Here's our short list of wishes...

--For the Matrix sequels not to be a crushing disappointment.

--A big screen re-release of Seven Samurai.

--Preacher to not be made into a film (on the plus side, the demise of Premiere Marketing and Entertainment Group makes this wish seem somewhat viable)

--Catherine Bell as Wonder Woman.

--Classic children's book The Cat Club (aka The Life and Times of Jenny Linsky) to be adapted into a great animated film.

--For Miramax to stop fucking around with Hero and the other Asian releases they're mishandling so badly (but if a screener magically appears in our mailbox in the next couple of days, all is forgiven).

--Fewer sequels and more fresh ideas. We swear there's more money to be made in creating a franchise than there is in milking poor Rocky for another few bucks.

--Someone to figure out how to translate Neil Gaiman's ideas to the big screen every bit as well as Nick Hornby's About a Boy and High Fidelity have been.

--George Lucas to admit he's not above the law of a good story always being the key to making a good movie.

--A watch and a pension for Steven Seagal along with the agreement that his retirement will be enforced to the full power of the law.

--The Iron Giant to become a new holiday tradition. As much as we love A Christmas Story, it could qualify for its cable network this season. It's time for a changing of the guard.

--The Phantom Tollbooth to become the next big Dreamworks cgi project.

--More Oscar bait for Miramax. We just don't feel they're applying themselves.

--An end to the omnipresence of Colin Farrell's eyebrow(s).

--A handwritten letter of apology from Michael Bay convincing us he has seen the error of his ways.

--For Replay to be developed into the blockbuster movie it deserves to be, but not one that stars Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. Save it for Ocean's 12, guys.

--A full and complete ban on the use of Police and U2 songs (and especially Under Pressure) in the trailers for romantic comedies.

--No Vanilla Ice songs played ever again ever. For anything.

--Soundgarden to get back together

--A new Wilco album each month.

--Idiot television network FOX to stop cancelling good shows which fail only because FOX tv execs are too incompetent to schedule them in slots where they have a chance or to legitimately market them in any way, shape or form. This year's model was Firefly. Last year's model was Undeclared. Every year's model is Futurama. Statistical analysis has determined that Fox should accidentally have more hit shows than they have actually attained in the past five years. If you ever see a movie so insipid that you wonder exactly what sort of motard would enjoy that crap, the archetype you have in your head is a FOX tv exec.

--Idiot network FOX to release Brisco County, Jr. and The Tick on DVD (we're not holding our breath, but we can if it will make a difference).

--Beast Machines, Kismet and Taras Bulba to be released on DVD.

--The Bottle Rocket Criterion Edition to become a reality instead of just a constant rumor.

--Indiana Jones DVD trilogy with Spielberg features galore a la Minority Report, yes! Indiana Jones movie with octogenarians Harrison Ford and Sean Connery, no.

--Wild, Wild West the TV series to be released on DVD. All five seasons at once.

--West Wing DVD set for this region (but we're still plenty grateful for Sports Night).

--Kim Bauer to immediately receive the same treatment her mother got in last year's finale of 24.

--For theaters to be built with Faraday cages so that cell phones won't work inside the screening rooms.

--For the creators of the Fandango commercials to receive torture generally reserved for characters appearing on Alias.

--Theatres to remove beverage cup holders from the arm rest and put them somewhere else, for instance, a bottle feeder like the ones hamsters have.

But if we can't have any of this other stuff, Santa, we'll settle for a bunch of TiVos.

Happy Holidays from the staff of BOP.