BOP Daily News
June 16, 2006
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Well, it certainly didn’t take long before the Celebrity Baby of the Century of the Week became perhaps the Guinness World Recordholder for Youngest Celeb Trendsetter. Seems the T-shirt that little Shiloh Nouvel was wearing in her debut magazine cover - for which we will burn in Hell if we don’t mention the exclusive rights money ponied up by People went to fund much-needed infrastructure in Namibia, the little darlin’s birthplace - has become the must-have fashion item for trendy newborns everywhere. The vintage-washed grey T-shirt emblazoned The Pots & Pans Band has reportedly been virtually flying off the shelves, at $42 a pop for something that the kid will wear for, oh, maybe a month. Baby boutiques and high-end retailers coast-to-coast haven’t been able to keep up with the volume of telephone and Internet orders, and the shirt’s designer, Kingsley Aarons, is said to be “stunned” at the public’s response to his design. Apparently Aarons has been living under a rock for the past six months and was thus unaware that the nascent Jolie-Pitt is currently the hottest thing since diced bread, thus ensuring anything she wears, eats or has her nappies changed upon is going to be the next Big Thing. Aarons, whose shirt was reportedly inspired by his own youngster, two-year-old Zephyr, says he has a number of celebrity clients, and having named his son after a westward wind, one would expect he fits right in. Aarons is said to be working with Brangelina’s representatives on a project to sent baby T-shirts to Africa to help needy newborns. Because if you’re a poor newborn in Africa, the one thing you really need is a $42 T-shirt. Then again, the idea might not be completely wrong-headed; perhaps enterprising parents could sell the shirts to gullible tourists as “the authentic, one-of-a-kind Brangelina Brat T”. Rumors that Suri Holmes-Cruise had her representatives inquire if Angelina Jolie was looking to adopt any more babies could not be confirmed at press time.
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Speaking of stars who’ve gotten too big for their proverbial britches, rising party-girl Lindsay Lohan has quit her latest flick, Bill, because its directors apparently aren’t famous enough to suit her. Lohan, who seems hell-bent on following the Tara Reid Path to Career Suicide, didn’t feel the first-time directing team of Bernie Goldmann and Melisa Wallack were worthy of having her presence grace their film, which also stars Aaron Eckhart and Amanda Peet. I’m sure all involved with the production would have appreciated it if Lohan had informed of this fact, say, before production had already started. Lohan has instead decided to concentrate on her next film, Georgia Rule, directed by Garry Marshall, whom Lohan has deemed sufficiently famous for her to deign to work with him. I’m sure costars Jane Fonda and Felicity Huffman are relieved to hear that. Completely putting aside for the moment the fact that everyone - even Robert Altman, director of A Prairie Home Companion, the most recent film in which Lohan appeared and the apparent reason she has issued this odd decree - was an unknown at some point, we’d merely like to point out to Lindsay that if she keeps this kind of on- and off-set malarkey up, she’ll soon be begging to work with any director who’ll have her. Including, if the Karma Fairy has anything to say about it, the by-then newly-ascendant team of Bernie Goldmann and Melisa Wallack.
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As the old saying goes, one man’s meat is another man’s poison, or in this case, one actress’ boneheaded career move is another actress’ opportunity. Not long after Lindsay “Diamond Lane to Hollywood Squares-ville” Lohan decided to drop out of the upcoming comedy Bill because the directors weren’t famous enough to suit her, Jessica Alba - who’s worked with more A-list directors than Lohan has DUIs - has snatched the role that Lohan ditched. Could be Alba knows a good thing when she sees it, having just completed filming Awake with Bill’s production team, which includes - you guessed it - Bernie Goldmann. Alba happily joins Amanda Peet and Aaron Eckhart in the tale of a hapless milquetoast with a dead-end job and philandering wife who reluctantly finds himself the mentor of a rebellious teen. Hmmm; rebellious teen. Perhaps it was less the under-card status of the directors than the too-close-to-reality role that sent Lohan scurrying ever closer to the looming shadows of obscurity. In a related story, Tara Reid is reportedly clearing a spot on the Party Girl Can’t-Hardly-Get-a-Decent Role Train for its anticipated newest passenger.
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The BOP News staff has been buzzing in recent days over the Jack Black news off the wire, and not just because this Friday sees the opening of his latest flick - and one of BOP’s Top 25 of Summer - Nacho Libre. No, gentle readers, though we eagerly await the opportunity to chuckle, chortle and guffaw over Black’s on-screen antics, it is his upcoming off-screen event that really has us all a-flutter. It turns out that, in preparation for the filming of Nacho Libre, Black trained with a real-life Mexican luchador to add authenticity to his role as a priest who turns to wrestling to help keep his church’s orphanage open. Black was apparently an excellent student: the funnyman has now challenged martial-arts instructor-turned-action movie...um, we’ll go with “star”, shall we? - and all-purpose punchline Steven Seagal to a winner-takes-bragging rights match. Black threw down the gauntlet during an interview with Sports Illustrated, stating he wanted to take down someone “really strong”, and chose Seagal as the perfect foil against whom he could display his newly-acquired skills. Black went on to say that Seagal was the ideal choice “with his ridiculous Indian gear, ponytail and swagger” and is “the best fighter in the world in his own mind”. Black revealed he plans to take Seagal down “two notches” with such specialty Lucha Libre moves as the Anaconda Squeeze and the Face Melter. Black also provided a glimpse of what is in store for Seagal should the overbearing blowhard accept the challenge: Black’s signature wrestling hold, The Wind of a Lion. The comic actor explained this is “basically a submission hold. You get the guy down, you sit on his face and then you release the lion’s wind.” According to Black, the use of this move generally means “complete defeat” for his opponent. No word from Seagal regarding the challenge at press time; however, diligent newshounds took note of a curious item from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, who reportedly stopped a tall man wearing a very obvious fake beard, a red wig tied in a long ponytail and what one Mountie described as “a laughably cheap-looking American Indian costume” whose passport identified him as Peacock with Yellow Belly.
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"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum."
Previous edition's quote: Die Hard with a Vengeance
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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