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BOP Daily NewsJune 8, 2006The spirit of BOP News lives on in
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| As the old saying goes, the more things change, the more things stay the same, and that goes double in Hollywood. So when an actor is trying to revive a flagging career, there are a few nigh-on to sure-fire methods for doing so: do a nude spread; break up a long-term, seemingly happy marriage (having an affair with and/or marrying someone half your age gets you extra exposure); go the voice-work route; or return to a successful franchise, should you have been fortunate enough to have ever been part of one. And so it is that we find ourselves facing the prospect of a 60-something Indiana Jones, and a John McClane pushing 50. That’s right, folks; those of you who have been waiting with a worm on your tongue for the fourth installment in the Die Hard series are about to see your patience rewarded, as Bruce Willis revealed during an interview at the recent Cannes Film Festival. Willis, who was at Cannes to promote his work in DreamWorks Animation’s Over the Hedge - Number Three on the How to Revive a Flagging Career hit parade - confirmed that Die Hard 4 is “as close as we’ve ever gotten” to going before cameras. Yes, we can just hear you all thrumming with excitement from here. Seems one reason for the delay - other than the producers coming to their senses for a brief time when Willis forgot to sacrifice the chicken that maintains the juju - was the original screenplay involved an offshore explosion that sent huge waves crashing into New Orleans. Somehow, somebody associated with this production still has the tiniest shred of good taste left and realized this might not be a very good thing to film. We’re sure that person was promptly fired, or else had an emergency good-tastectomy to prevent such a thing happening again. No word yet on what new danger will be cooked up that will allow Willis to flirt with breaking a hip, but we’re hoping our treatment For God’s Sake, Just Die Hard Already! gets the nod. We can’t wait to see John McClane solve the mystery of who took all the marshmallows for the chocolate pudding, thus ruining Friday night dinner by forcing the cooks to substitute tapioca. |
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In other frightening movie production news, Sharon Stone showed up at Cannes looking for her next husband...wait; our bad. Looking for her next big project, which apparently will take her to Jolly Old England, where she’ll team up with one of the UK’s leading film production companies, Brass Hat. Stone reportedly believes that England is the next Big Thing in filmmaking, and is setting up a $100 million fund to make films. According to the British paper The Daily Telegraph, a source close to Stone revealed her to be “a shrewd businesswoman” and that she feels producing films in Britain is the “perfect opportunity” for her. Just as long as none of them are named Basic Instinct followed by a number, we’re cool with that. |
| And we’d have our movie-news licenses pulled if we didn’t make mention of the fact that the Celebrity Birth of the Century of the Week happened last weekend, as the progeny of super-couple Brangelina made her debut on the world stage. We don’t know what cutesy moniker the celebrity press will give the poor kid, but her parents have saddled her with the unwieldy Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. The little darling joins her half-siblings Maddox and Zahara, and contemporaries Suri Holmes-Cruise, Apple and Moses Paltrow-Martin and Kal-El Cage, in the long and ridiculous tradition of name-cursed celeb kinder. Someone really needs to remind these Hollywood denizens that they’re naming real human beings, not country estates or pets. And that goes double for the parents of Rumer and Scout Willis. |
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Speaking of cursed celebrity children, Suri With the Lunatic Fringe for a Dad's pater has decided to build his dream home for himself and his budding nuclear family atop a remote hill in the San Fernando Valley. Seems Tommy Boy “secretly” purchased - as if any real estate transaction, especially one for $10 million made by a fellow whose mug regularly appears on the front of magazines across the globe, could remain under wraps - thought the location the perfect place to build his walled religious compound - sorry; “family home”, and reportedly plans to spend $25 million on the structure. He also apparently plans to have his two adopted children from his marriage to Nicole Kidman, Isabella and Connor - who obviously were named by their decidedly-more-sane mother - oin Katie and he and Suri makes it all too twee. Seismologists over at Caltech were worried for a time when their seismographs went crazy shortly after the news of Cruise’s plans hit the papers, until they traced the epicenter of the shaking and realized it came from the sound waves of Nicole Kidman screaming “No bloody way!”, which remarkably carried all the way over to Southern California from Down Under. In a related story, Suri has reportedly requested her lawyers find a loophole in the birth contract she signed, on the grounds that the clause guaranteeing her unrivaled fame and adulation as compensation for having such a nutjob as Daddums had clearly been violated. Aw; seems she’s got her mother’s vacant star and her daddy’s litigiousness nature. Isn’t that just precious? |
"Are you aiming for these people?
No. Well, maybe that mime. "
Previous edition's quote: South Park
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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Saturday, April 27, 2024
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