BOP Daily News
February 15, 2006
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
|
Today's BOP News features a new segment we like to call Why Do We Even Know These People's Names?, dedicated to that subset of celebrities, people who are famous mostly for being famous.
|
|
|
|
|
First up, a pair of Paris Hilton stories. Seems the erstwhile "star" of The Simple Life is having trouble keeping track of her possessions, or at least where they are at any given moment. The hotel heiress and serial skank is currently fighting a legal battle for the return of some items she had in a storage facility that she claims were illegally sold at auction. Amongst the items that were in storage are computers, journals, tapes and photos, all of which were snapped up by an unnamed source. Hilton first discovered that her things were apparently no longer hers when a reporter from the National Enquirer contacted Hilton's people to let them know he'd been offered said items for the right price. The reporter apparently had a momentary attack of humanity and refused to buy, although we suspect the price was just too damned high. Never start with your end price, people, and always be open to negotiating. Hilton's publicist, Elliot Mintz, who has made a career at being the mouthpiece for unsavory females that are famous through no effort of their own, proclaims Paris to be "incredibly upset and angry" and that the heiress' lawyers will "go after" anyone in possession of Hilton's stuff. Upon hearing this news item, Paris Hilton was seen packing many items into boxes and preparing them for storage, as she didn't want to be sued for having any of "Paris Hilton's things".
|
|
|
|
And when Paris isn't losing track of what she owns and where it's at, she's mistreating the help. A restraining order was recently taken out against the hotel heiress by Los Angeles events planner Brian Quintana, complaining that Hilton was harassing him with threatening phone calls and racial slurs. The harassment allegedly began shortly after Quintana introduced Hilton to her current boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos. Apparently the party girl is a mite insecure, as she reportedly became convinced Quintana had changed his mind about seeing Niarchos with Hilton, and started trying to convince his friend to return to his previous partner, Mary-Kate Olsen. Talk about a Hobson's choice. After the hearing, which Hilton did not attend, Elliot Mintz, well-known for his objectivity regarding the pseudo-stars he represents, professed that he has "known and worked" with Hilton and that the "kind of person described on the stand...doesn't resemble the woman that I know", a profession of loyalty that will almost surely get Mintz a raise. In a related story, attempts by moviegoers to obtain a restraining order keeping Paris Hilton at least 25 miles away from any film cameras anywhere were reportedly unsuccessful, although the moviegoers vowed to keep on trying until the woman just goes away.
|
|
|
|
|
So comforting that the more things change, the more they stay the same, and that once a fame-whore, always a fame-whore. Seems the story of Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco is heading to a TV screen near you, if producer David Krieff has his way. For those who lived in a cave in the '90s, then 16-year-old Fisher had an affair with Buttafuoco which resulted in Fisher shooting Buttafuoco's wife, Mary Jo, in an apparent attempt to eliminate the competition, as it were. Mary Jo survived, and the Long Island Lolita, as Fisher became known, went to jail for seven years. Joey Buttafuoco also spent some time in jail for statutory rape, and Mary Jo ended up partially paralyzed. Now the group has apparently decided that the American public should be treated to the long-in-the-making denouement of this rather sordid tale, which will reportedly include "shocking revelations", according to Joey, and an answer for Mary Jo's apparently continual question of why Amy shot her. Current book on the answer being "Because she was having an affair with your husband" is running 3-to-1. For her part, Fisher believes that, since the most of the drama has played out "in the public eye" it's only fitting that the public be given the chance to see the "final product". Lucky us. The show has yet to find a network home, and rumors that Fox wants it for May sweeps and will pair it with their in-the-works special "When Vice Presidents Attack" could not be confirmed at press time.
|
|
|
|
And our final story involves people whose names we wish we didn't know. Yes, not content to be in every third news item in 2005, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have decided they want to capture that Most Annoying Celebrity Couple title for a second year. Seems rumors have surfaced recently that the pair are planning on splitting up, with Holmes even going so far as to cancel their wedding plans. According to reports, which quote inside sources, TomKat will keep up the illusion of a romance until after the baby is born, and then officially split, with Cruise buying a home near his Beverly Hills mansion, where the couple is currently staying, in which Holmes and child will be ensconced, so he can be close to his child. Upon hearing about this item, Cruise's people put out a denial, calling the reports "malicious fallacies" and proclaiming that the wedding is right on track. Guess Tom has decided to keep that beard for as long as is humanly possible.
|
|
|
|
"I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp."
Previous edition's quote: Office Space
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
|
|
|
|
