BOP Daily News
February 2, 2006
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Since our last BOP News outing, Lindsay Lohan has discovered that she needs a second tattoo. There is more to life than just breathing, after all. After an evening of getting drunk and hanging out with Woody Harrelson and Owen Wilson, the actress managed to get herself checked into the hospital for the second time in 2006. The teen sensation was hanging out at the mansion of Bryan Adams when she found out why it cuts like a knife. The actress allegedly tripped on some stairs and fell to the ground. Since she was holding a teacup, her body was gashed to the tune of nine stitches. When she returned to the mansion, Adams starting humming "Na na na nanana na na". There was no immediate word on whether Lohan said it felt so right. She is scheduled to hit the tattoo parlor later today for her new inscription, "stop climbing stairs when drunk".
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Speaking of potentially marred bodies, that poor kid whose parents are white trash legends Kevin Federline and Britney Spears had a near miss the other day. It seems that the impetuous dancer/fledgling failed rapper decided that four months old was about the right age for Junior to get his ears pierced. This was against the wishes of Mama Britney, leading to a heated exchange between the mismatched couple. Federline grabbed Junior and headed off to the piercing sans Mom, so she jumped in the car and chased them. When she finally caught up with Papa Bear, she laid down the law about not getting the ear piercing done. Her main concern was that the piercing would make Junior look like a girl, an interesting comment considering that Hubby has his ears pierced. In hindsight, it's hard to believe this couple's reality series was such a failure. They're the real-life Married with Children.
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Numerous boys have a crush on Jessica Alba. This shocking revelation has been announced to the media after careful research by the collated data wizards at AskMen.com. The crack team of statisticians discussed the matter with all of the horny men they could find and the research was emphatic. Men want Jessica Alba to be their girlfriend more than any other woman in the known universe. The fact that her performance in Fantastic Four did nothing to diminish this opinion says it all about just how attractive she is. BOP has reached the conclusion that men enjoy the idea of hot women wearing chaps while doing stripper moves. We couldn't have deduced this without the expertise of AskMen.com, though. Take a bow, gentlemen!
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The SAGs and Oscar announcements were not the only big news of the week. The Razzies also named their 2005 selections. In the process, the awards continued to prove themselves to be malicious, out of touch and more than a little bit petty. Tom Cruise and intended bride Katie Holmes were nominated in the Worst Actor/Actress categories for their performances in the critically praised War of the Worlds and Batman Begins. In short, Cruise was chosen due to his performance in standing on Oprah's couch then later berating Matt Lauer over pyschiatry treatments. Meanwhile, Katie Holmes got the nod due to her much-publicized mouth sore. In order to show our disgust with such transparent pandering, BOP hereby nominates Razzies founder John Wilson for our first annual Mr. Blackwell Wannabe award. Congrats!
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"I believe that Britney Spears should be one of Baskin Robbins' 31 flavors"
Previous edition's quote: Miss Congeniality
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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