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BOP Daily NewsJanuary 23, 2006The spirit of BOP News lives on in
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| The cold winter's nights have caused BOP's focus to narrow. Our obsession today is cleavage, and there are a couple of notable Hollywood starlets willing to oblige our interest. The first of them is Jennifer Love Hewitt, the actress (?) currently starring on CBS's Ghost Whisperer. The impossibly sunny actress has confirmed that the dreams of millions of oversexed males are about to be realized. Hewitt has announced an intention to pose in Playboy Magazine after previously refusing several overtunes. What has caused Garfield's favorite veterinarian to re-consider the proposition? It seems that Hewitt feels that typecasting is keeping her from being offered the best roles in Hollywood. As much as BOP is tempted to keep our mouth shut in order to enhance our chances of Playboy Love-boob-tastic goodness, we have to be honest here. Ms. Hewitt, it's not your clean cut image keeping you from getting better gigs. Grab a copy of The Tuxedo or Heartbreakers and ask yourself: could I have pulled off Transamerica as well as Felicity Huffman or Monster like Charlize Theron? Now go back to co-starring against a CGI cat and be happy you're getting a paycheck that doesn't involve a webcam and the acceptance of major credit cards. |
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Not to be outdone, Jessica Simpson has also come out in favor of breasts in recent weeks. The singer and aspiring actress is about to be single again, so she has been spending a lot of time in quiet introspection. Her contemplation has afforded her a rare ephiphany. Jessica Simpson has realized the following: "I have amazing boobs. They’re just perfect." What did you expect her to say? E does not equal MC squared because light is not a constant? It was this or "orgasms feel good". The worst part of acknowledging this is the realization that Jessica Simpson made approximately thirty thousand dollars during the time spent giving her body a mental mammogram. |
| Our final breast-related story of the day involves Scarlett Johansson. Yes, we're happy about that as well. The BOP fave has reportedly alienated her mother by wearing a too-slutty dress at the Golden Globe awards. Mama Johansson described her daughter's fashion faux pas as making her look like "a member of the Baywatch cast". She went on to add that Johansson's dress was so revealing that it appearing the Lost in Translation star was in danger of "bursting out of her dress." This causes BOP to speculate that maybe Isaac Mizrahi saw this and was trying to keep her breasts contained in her dress. He's a hero, not a villain! On a seemingly unrelated note, aging pervert Woody Allen has just cast Johannson in a third consecutive film. |
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"Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts."
Previous edition's quote: South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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Saturday, April 27, 2024
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