BOP Daily News
January 11, 2006
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Bad news, romance fans. Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have reached the end of Lonely Street and checked into Heartbreak Hotel. The allegedly happy couple have officially announced that they have separated and will divorce. Sure, we can’t act surprised by this turn of events. After all, Swank famously humiliated her husband in front of a billion viewers when she couldn’t be bothered to mention Mr. Lowe’s name while accepting her Oscar. Even so, it’s always a bit sad when one celebrity’s star shines so brightly that they realize their much less talented spouse is a lodestone that may no longer be carried. The only good news we may offer Chad Lowe is that his 2005 counterpart, Jennifer Aniston, did manage to work in a couple of movies, even if they were wholly rejected by mainstream movie audiences. Also, we understand that Mark Wahlberg’s cousin is still available.
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Hollywood took it on the chin in 2005. Release after release returned hostile reviews along with disappointing box office results. The media made a big deal out of the box office slump, as the studio system grew bitter at their treatment. Now, in a turn of events that would make any James Bond super-villain proud, rumors are flying that Hollywood is ready to take its revenge on the North America public. A re-make of the most sacred of 1970s movie classics, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, is being discussed. The apocalyptic duo considered for the leads formerly held by Robert Redford and Paul Newman is none other than Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Let there be no doubt in this matter. Ladies and gentlemen, the movie doomsday clock has struck midnight.
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Speaking of Jennifer Aniston's legendary 2005 dumping, we have an update. To the shock and horror of every man, woman and child at BOP, Angelina Jolie is officially off the market for the next nine months. The saucy actress has confirmed to People Magazine that she is pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby. Pitt had already moved to adopt Jolie's other two children, but now the duo has decided to attempt to create the world's most beautiful baby. BOP congratulates the happy couple on their glad tidings. We also suggest that if the baby is a girl, you should name it either Jennifer or Rachel.
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Finally, we need to bring you up to speed on the Courtney Love-inspired antics of one teenage celebrity. While BOP was on hiatus, Lindsay Lohan went nuts to a degree that would impress even Tom Cruise. Here is the quick recap. Lohan was interviewed in Vanity Fair magazine. She confessed to bulemia, alcoholism and recreational drug usage. Lohan stated that upon viewing a recent Saturday Night Live appearance, she cried at the realization of her emaciated her arms looked. After the story was released, Lohan was shocked to discover that some folks who had been giving her films a look since they were Disney productions were somewhat taken aback at the news. Apparently, Disney's consumer base is not prone to support alcoholic skanks. So, Lohan's publicist tried to spin the story by indicating that her comments were taken out of context, that the journalist who reported the story had an agenda, and that none of it was true. Unfortunately for Ms. Lohan and her publicist, the conversations were all recorded, so Vanity Fair stood by the story. Lohan probably would have remembered this had she not been either drunk, stoned or debating whether or not to excuse herself to vomit. Under any circumstance, what we can all agree upon is that Lohan is unlikely to star in Herbie: Fully Loaded 2 any time soon. This news almost makes up for the Butch and Sundance debacle referenced above. Almost.
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"All right, Geller; what do you mean getting my Rachel pregnant and then refusing to marry her?"
Previous edition's quote: Play It Again, Sam
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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