BOP Daily News
December 6, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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A wag once noted that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, a notion a few celebs might argue with this year. But to others, not only is there no such thing as bad publicity, there’s also no such thing as an unflattering viewpoint of one’s sexual preferences. So says Jake Gyllenhaal, who costars with Heath Ledger as a pair of homosexual cowboys in the upcoming Brokeback Mountain. Gyllenhaal has been made aware of recent rumors that he is bisexual, and proclaims himself pleased to learn people believe that, even as he also makes it clear he is solely attracted to women. The actor even considers the rumor to be indicative of a greater variety of role possibilities in his future, and we're not quite sure how he reckoned that one out, but we'll go with it. Still, all those gay men yearning to inaugurate Gyllenhaal into the joys of hot man love need not give up their fantasies just yet; the actor went on to state that he would be open to a sexual experience with another man. Gyllenhaal says he’s “never really been attracted” to men, going on to specifically mention “sexually” in that formula, then rounds that little tidbit out with the proclamation that he doesn’t believe he “would be afraid” should such a possibility present itself. Rumors that some, shall we say compromising, photos from the Brokeback Mountain wrap party were being shopped around could not be confirmed at press time.
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Speaking of rumors about sexual preference, the folks at South Park may very soon be hearing from Tom Cruise’s lawyers. A recent show has an animated Cruise meeting L Ron Hubbard, the late founder of Scientology - another subject on which Cruise is notoriously touchy - in a closet, and then refusing to leave once the meeting is completed. As animated Nicole Kidman tries to overcome Cruise’s reticence to leave his sanctuary, she mentions that being in the closet has “gone on long enough” and that Cruise isn’t “fooling anybody”. Of course, such an interpretation of the scene is the obvious one, but maybe South Park was trying to tell us that, had Cruise ever spent time with Hubbard, he’d be so embarrassed by his strict adherence to the religion he’d be unable to show his face again in public. Which would be a happy day for us all.
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Poor Michael Douglas. Here he has this sexy wife and he can’t understand a word she says. At least according to Catherine Zeta-Jones, who admits she has trouble communicating with her husband due to her Welsh accent. It seems whenever Zeta-Jones isn't acting, she reverts to a very strong Welsh accent, and when she speaks to Michael at such times, he is under the impression she’s speaking Welsh when she’s actually speaking English. According to Zeta-Jones, Douglas often tells her, “That's a beautiful language, you should speak Welsh more often”, making the revelation that she was speaking in Douglas’ native tongue all the more embarrassing. Then again, maybe he just needs to turn up the volume on his hearing aid.
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For those of you out there worrying how fading film and television stars will be able to continue to find occasional work so they still feel like they’re stars now that shows such as The Love Boat are no longer on the air, you can stop worrying. Boston Legal, which perhaps serendipitously airs on ABC, has stepped up to fill the void for the 21st century, becoming a veritable haven for the “we thought s/he was dead”, the washed-up and the never-were. Although a law firm isn’t the first place one would expect could comfortably fit in a variety of nearing-the-end names, Boston Legal signaled its run for the Anthology Show Faded-Star Turn mantle by casting William “Captain Kirk” Shatner as a supporting player out of the gate. Since its premiere, the show has offered up such Echoes of the Past as Henry “Laugh-In” Gibson, Betty “Sue Ann Nivens” White, Shelley “Diane Chambers” Long and Heather “Pick Your Favorite Nighttime Soap Vixen Role” Locklear in guest appearances, and even completed a “Remember Them?” hat trick of sorts by adding Candace “Murphy Brown” Bergen to its cast in the middle of last season. Of course, in order to stay on top - even if there’s no one else who seems to be competing - a show must keep going after bigger and bigger used-to-be-household-names, and Boston Legal recently proved it is more than up to this task by signing Tom “Magnum, PI” Selleck. Selleck will be a recurring character, playing the ex-husband of Bergen’s character. Now all the casting directors at Boston Legal need to cement the show’s place in the Anthology Show for Dimming Celebrities Hall of Fame is to find an aging B-movie star or two, or perhaps have a couple of reality-game show fame-whores make stunt-casting appearances. At this point, ABC might as well go ahead and re-title the show Fantasy Law Firm and have done with it.
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"My taste includes both snails and oysters."
Previous edition's quote: Grease
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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