BOP Daily News
October 31, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Whenever new business strategies are unveiled, the first question each It inventor should ask is obvious. How does the product impact M. Night Shyamalan? Not one to wait around for the creative to come to him, the Sixth Sense director has stepped up to offer some unprovoked commentary about the movie industry. Shyamalan decried the state of the movie industry at ShowEast, arguing that the potential "day and date" simultaneous release of theatrical releases across other mediums is a violation of his artistic integrity. "I'm going to stop making movies if they end the cinematic experience," said the self-centered Hitchcock wannabe. Dude, how is that a threat? In addition to getting to watch movies at home instead of in a crowd full of cell-phone squawkers, we will get the added bonus of no more abhorrent twist endings.
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Walter Mitty's life might be secret, but the struggles in remaking a major motion picture about him are not. Paramount Pictures has confirmed that the proposed Owen Wilson project has been placed in turnaround. Why? In a town containing thousands of aspiring starlets, the studio has been unable to find a single actress they feel worthy of playing the role. The Hollywood Reporter indicates that Scarlett Johansson was a strong contender Due to this stubbornness, Wilson has dropped out of the project. The newest candidate to play Mitty is Garden State creator Zach Braff, but he isn't really Mitty yet since the project is in turnaround because they still don't have a lead actress. There was less intrigue in the Tom Cruise wife search.
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Hey, speaking of the Mad, Mad World of Tom Cruise (and when is BOP News not doing that?), mortal enemy Brooke Shields is making headlines once more. That crazy bitch who had the audacity to attempt medical solutions to her bout with post-partum depression has had some more hair of the dog. She's pregnant once again! BOP media analysts see this as nothing but a pathetic attempt to leech off Cruise's celebrity by stealing his schtick. How dare she get pregnant this year when TomKat has already called it! All kidding aside, the only way this could get better would be if the Spawn of Cruise and the Spawn of Shields fall madly in love and get married at the age of 16, denouncing all parents at the same time.
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The final shocking announcement in today's edition involves a French legend. It seems like Gerard Depardieu, the ugly man with the giant schnozz, has announced his intention to retire from acting. In the man's own semi-eloquent words, he does not want to "hang on like an idiot". Why is this shocking? BOP had no idea Gerard Depardieu had done a movie since the disastrous 102 Dalmatians.
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"Well, it took 40 years for Melvyn Douglas to get a supporting actor's face. You should be happy you did in just two."
Previous edition's quote: The Muppet Movie
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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