BOP Daily News
October 14, 2003
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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In a great example of a celebrity using brains instead of whining to the press or bullying someone to get her way, Julia Roberts has succeeded in putting the kibosh on a potentially embarrassing show about her love life by trading the proposed special for exclusive coverage of her upcoming film Mona Lisa Smile. E! was reportedly planning a show called The Love Chain, which would focus on all of Roberts’ romantic relationships, including her early marriage to Lyle Lovett, her current marriage to Danny Moder, her engagement to Kiefer Sutherland and several others. Not being terribly thrilled with having her laundry, dirty and otherwise, aired in public, Julia made the execs at E! the proverbial offer they couldn’t refuse: exclusive coverage on Mona Lisa Smile in exchange for axing the planned special. The suits at E! agreed, and all are reportedly happy as pigs in excrement. Would that Demi Moore would make a similar deal to stop all media outlets from breathlessly reporting every detail of her fling with soon-to-be-trivia-question-answer Ashton Kutcher.
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In addition to suddenly getting more acting jobs than he’s had in many a moon, Val Kilmer also seems to be garnering a great deal of not-very-flattering publicity. The most recent dust-up concerns a Rolling Stone article, in which Kilmer was quoted as calling San Miguel County in New Mexico, where he owns a ranch, the “homicide capital of the Southwest". Kilmer was quoted elsewhere in the article as saying that 80% "of the people in my county are drunk", and that he carries a gun in his car when out driving with his children, because there are so many drunk drivers. Folks in San Miguel County are naturally unhappy with this depiction of them, and New Mexico Senator Phil Griego, whose district includes the county, has been quoted as inviting the actor to leave the county if he has such a distaste for it. But Kilmer now claims he didn’t say any of those things, that he likes where he lives, and that he’s going to ask Rolling Stone for an apology. The actor has also stated, "You can ask anyone who knows me, I've never said a racist or prejudiced thing in my life." Rumors that Kilmer made the statements because he was unhappy that locals weren’t paying him for photos and autographs could not be confirmed at press time.
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Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau? This bit of inspired casting may come about if Ivan Reitman and MGM have their way. Martin has been offered the role of the bumbling inspector in Birth of the Pink Panther, which the studio hopes will lead to a renaissance of the comedy franchise originated by Peter Sellers. MGM has been trying for years to resurrect the franchise, most recently - and frighteningly - with Robert Benigni as Sellers’ character's son. The new film would be a prequel to the Sellers’ series, and would have Clouseau trying to solve the murder of the nation's soccer team coach while investigating the disappearance of the legendary Pink Panther diamond, which often went missing in the Pink Panther films. Another plot that was considered but rejected would have had Clouseau searching for Val Kilmer’s common sense.
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When your film career is in a deep, deep hole and you’ve become more famous for your ex-wife’s love life than what you’re doing on the big screen, it’s time to return to a successful franchise. Or such may have been the thought process leading up to reports that Bruce Willis will once again don the mantle of John McClane for Die Hard 4, which will not, as was once reported, be subtitled Tears of the Sun, as that was a very bad action film Willis released earlier this year. Die Hard 4 will instead be subtitled Die Hardest, and no, we can’t make any sense out of that, either. If the film is a success, 20th Century Fox hopes to resume the franchise, apparently with Willis continuing in the role. In that case, we look forward to Die Hard 12: Die of Pneumonia After That Nasty Fall in the Nursing Home That Broke Your Hip.
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Paramount has optioned a novel called The Kill Clause, which tells the story of a US marshal and former Special Forces op who joins a vigilante organization after the murderer of his seven-year-old daughter walks. The deal includes rights to a character who will be the subject of three more novels, although whether that character is the Special Ops bereaved father or not was not made clear. Tim Allen was initially quite disturbed by this news, until it was explained to him that The Kill Clause was not the subtitle for the third outing in his Santa Clause franchise.
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"Hello? Yes, there is a beautiful woman in my bed, and a dead man in my bath."
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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