BOP Daily News
August 4, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Did you see Hollow Man, Vertical Limit, A Knight's Tale or The Animal in theaters? You did? Congratulations, you are five dollars richer! Whether that's enough money to handle the emotional scarring you received from watching a Rob Schneider movie is a different story, but the money thing still stands. This is the class action settlement Sony is offering in order to put the "David Manning" incident behind them once and for all. Manning, you might recall, is a fictional critic who seemed to love quote-whoring for Sony projects. Since he was not real, consumers sued the studio, claiming that they were tricked into going to see projects that were less entertaining than advertised. Sony has learned from the experience and will no longer use imaginary critics for their quotes. Instead, they will go back to bribing Harry Knowles and Peter Travers.
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Good news, lovers of romance! Nick Lachey appeared as a guest-host on Live with Regis and Kelly. His sole purpose was to refute the very rumor mentioned in a recent edition of BOP News. Lachey and his Daisy Duke, Jessica Simpson, are not in fact getting a divorce. At the same time, Kelly Ripa took this opportunity to deny reports that Regis and her have had a falling out, leading to his eventual replacement on the show. Reading between the lines, BOP has come to the conclusion that Lachey and Simpson have saved their marriage by wife-swapping with Regis and Kelly. Alas, the plan has backfired and Regis and Jessica have run away together. Sure, it's a disgusting thought but nowhere near as sickening as Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson.
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Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise have finally carried their competitive grudge over to their movie careers. Kidman, not to be outdone by her crazy ex, has decided to do her own aliens movie. No, she won't be fighting Xenu in it, either. Kidman is scheduled to earn $16 million as the star of Invasion, a re-imagining of the 1956 horror classic, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Kidman will play a psychiatrist in the movie. BOP is going to stop describing the movie right there and take time out to celebrate how vengeful this casting decision is on her part. Just weeks after her former husband got into all sorts of trouble for ranting against the profession, Kidman will now portray one onscreen. The only way this story could be any better were if Brooke Shields were added to the cast as one of her patients.
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Paramount, apparently still bitter about passing on The Passion of the Christ, is poised to celebrate cinematic blasphemy to a degree that would impress even George Lucas. The studio will make a movie of The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Obey the Bible As Literally As Possible. It is based on Esquire magazine's editor, A. J. Jacobs, and his attempt to adhere to all the rules of the Old and New Testament, even the ones that conflict with each other. When informed of the announcement, Mel Gibson immediately starting shouting curse words in Aramaic and shouting "I'll see you at Thunderdome, Jacobs!"
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"Here's one that's really important cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7 If they promise to wear gloves can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame?"
Previous edition's quote: Notting Hill
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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