BOP Daily News
July 5, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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When the news first came down that Brett Ratner was directing X-Men 3, comic book fanboys appeared unreasonably alarmed. There were no outward signs that the project would change dramatically due to the presence of a shamelessly commercial Hollywood director. It seemed to be a lot of nerdly doomsday talk, and BOP said as much. Alas, we owe the comic book world an apology. For no apparent reason, Ratner has announced that he is creating a new mutant exclusively for the third X-movie. This character is being described as "a sex siren mutant who seduces her opponents rather than battles them". There is, however, still no truth to the rumor that a character will be introduced who is based on Ratner. Said mutant's natural mutation would of course be the ability to trick aspiring actresses to perform sex acts upon him in the general vicinity of a casting couch.
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Speaking of directors looking to impress the ladies, Peter Jackson is doing more these days than animating apes. The most popular director of our time has realized that there is no law (even in New Zealand!) requiring him to be a fat tub of goo. For this reason, Jackson is using some of his newfound billions from the Lords of the Rings franchise to get in shape...well, relatively speaking anyway. Jackson has supposedly dropped a cool 70 pounds over the past year due to a new diet involving fruit and yogurt (nobody ever said diet didn't involve sacrifice). Humorously, Jackson also blamed his previously *ahem* robust physique upon the exceptional catering on the set of the Rings trilogy. In addition to the weight loss, Jackson also had laser eye surgery performed so that he could ditch the four eyes look. Now that Jackson is 70 pounds lighter and doesn't wear glasses, he hopes to catch the eye of the cute varsity football player who had never noticed him before but might wind up falling in love and taking him to the prom now.
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Tom Cruise might be winning the war of the worlds, but Brooke Shields has not ceded the battle yet. The Blue Lagoon actress has returned fire in her absurd feud with former co-star Tom Cruise. Maverick took Suddenly Susan to task over her using medication to deal with post-partum depression. Cruise, an apparent expert on the difficulties women face after child birth, harshly criticized her for having the audacity to take medication in order to address her instability. Cruise even targeted Shields on his already infamous Today Show rant. Annoyed, Shields expended the time and energy to write an op-ed piece in the New York Times. Her surprisingly well-articulated (ghost writer!) commentary exlores the difficulties faced by herself and women like her while dismissing Cruise's criticism as "ridiculous". She goes on to speculate that Cruise knows nothing about the process of birthing for a woman. Brooke, we're going to go you one better. We suspect that Mr. Cruise doesn't know much about the process of conception, either. Thank God he has a stunt double for that sort of thing.
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Roman Polanski is under fire once more, but good buddy Mia Farrow is coming to his rescue. The actress is scheduled to appear in court next month in order to aid Polanski in his defense against further sex charges. Vanity Fair alleged in a recent article that Polanski hit on a woman during the dinner prior to the funeral of his recently murdered wife, Sharon Tate. Amazing as it sounds, Vanity Fair claims that Polanski propositioned a woman at Elaine's for a sexual encounter right before the procession. Farrow happened to be one of the people attending this dinner, and she plans to testify on Polanski's behalf when his libel trial occurs next month. BOP doesn't see what the big deal is. He was single at the time. This wouldn't even merit a Sex and the City episode.
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"Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? Because I want to feel something else than this. It either that, or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm."
Previous edition's quote: Alone in the Dark
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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