BOP Daily News
June 17, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Tom Cruise has handed Katie Holmes a batch of Scientology-approved Kool-Aid, and the Dawson’s Creek actress has finished drinking every last drop. Yesterday in Paris, Maverick got down on one knee and proposed to Batman’s latest squeeze. To the shock and awe of entire world, she ignored the rumors of his homosexuality and happily said yes. This ends the most depressing PR campaign in Hollywood history. BOP looks forward to a revenge- and headlines-seeking Nicole Kidman running away with Joshua Jackson around this time next year.
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BOP News has been avoiding this story as we don’t want to get our hopes up too much. An argument could be made that the genesis of this entire site is the group’s love of all things Simpsons (O.J. excluded). That’s why we are so excited by the news that The Simpsons movie is in the development stage. Nancy Cartwright, author of the world’s sunniest autobiography, took time out from her busy scheduling of voicing an eight-year-old boy to confirm to the BBC that a table reading of the script has been done. BOP News then took time out from its busy schedule of mocking celebrities to ejaculate, clean up, and repeat the process seven more times.
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Speaking of answered prayers, all of those hours you’ve spent at the monastery/convent have finally paid off. Yes, there WILL be a sequel to National Treasure! Execs at Walt Disney Pictures looked around and realized that there simply are not enough films starring Nic Cage these days, so they are moving to assuage the concerns of millions. Alternately, somebody in accounting shouted, “We made a lot of money on the first one. Can’t we do International Treasure or something like that? I’d really like a Bentley.” What’s sad is that these studio Einsteins make more in an hour than you’ll make this month.
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And finally, the news of the unlikely department has but one story today. Billy Bob Thornton, the goofy-looking redneck who somehow wound up with Angelina Jolie, has publicly trashed her. The New York Daily News reports that Thornton describes making love to a famous actress or model like Jolie as an experience not unlike having sex with a couch. BOP doesn’t believe him for a second but just in case, we’re cutting out early this afternoon to go furniture shopping. All this Simpsons movie talk has got us all fired up and in need of some hot sofa loving.
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"Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible."
Previous edition's quote: Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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