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BOP Daily NewsMay 17, 2005The spirit of BOP News lives on in
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| Good news, videogamers. Hidden in the never-ending updates about the upcoming next generation videogame systems is the news that Heihachi will soon be delivering a power bomb in a theater near you. That’s right, after being rumored for the body of a decade, the Tekken movie is finally a go. BOP fave distributor Screen Gems has announced that the production has been acquired from Dimension and given a budget of $50 million. The best news, though, is the choice of directors. Mr. 3000 helmer Charles Stone will handle the production. Yes, you read that right. Uwe Boll has nothing to do with this production. Ergo, this is the single greatest videogame related news item of 2005 to date. |
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While this next news item can’t top a non-Uwe Boll produced/directed videogame, it’s still hilarious. It seems that the National Enquirer saw smoke and falsely concluded they must have fire. The story in question involved Cameron Diaz, a previously unknown Trippin’ producer and a genuinely terrible news reporter for the rumor rag. The general details, a fuller description of which is available here, involve a young man named Shane Nickerson innocently answering a knock at his door. At this point, the fledgling producer is informed that, to his complete and utter surprise, he has been having an affair with Cameron Diaz. There is even a grainy photograph proving this claim. Somewhat surprised, the man finds himself having to explain to his wife exactly what the man at the door wanted. To her credit, she is fully supportive of the fact that her husband has scored some quality A-List Hollywood ass. Nickerson must have had Diaz on his laminated list. Anyway, the unfortunate young man winds up spending the body of the day, Mother’s Day at that, explaining why the father of a year old child would be sleeping with a celebrity he barely knows. Comically, the fact that he has no explanation is rationalized as incriminating him further. The end result of all of this is that Cameron Diaz is steaming, Nickerson is on minute seven of his fifteen, and the Enquirer is looking at yet another lawsuit settlement for libel. The Hollywood circle of life never ceases to amaze BOP. Congratulations on having forgettable sex with one of Charlie's Angels, Mr. Nickerson! |
| Updating a story from our last edition, Dave Chappelle is not crazy. That's what he says, anyway. The comedian has taken time out of his busy schedule of retiring from show business to refute earlier reports saying he's a nutjob. In the current edition of Time Magazine, the You've Got Mail co-star declares in no uncertain terms that, "I'm not crazy. I'm not smoking crack. I'm definitely stressed out." Wait, what was the middle one? Who said anything about crack? You know, when a person is being interviewed by a major news gathering service (read: not the National Enquirer), certain behavior is expected. Randomly coming out and saying, "I'm not on crack, I swear!" does not create the desired vibe. It's exactly this sort of unprovoked confession that cost Survivor's Ian a million bucks Sunday night. |
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In news certain to annoy the webmaster who publishes BOP News, Daniel Craig has made a statement about his rumored role as James Bond. The unknown thespian claims to be as surprised as anyone to discover he's up for the role of 007. He confirmed to AP that British rags "seem to know a lot more than I do" about the situation. BOP reads this as, "I'm up for Bond? Have they gone mad? I'm a nobody!" Or at least that's what Craig should be saying.
Dotting the i's and crossing the t's here: Daniel Craig meet Shane Nickerson. Shane Nickerson, Daniel Craig. |
"I saw one, one time, that said the world was ending the next week. Then in the next week's paper, they said we were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a Koala-fish mutant bird."
Previous edition's quote: Undercover Brother
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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Saturday, April 27, 2024
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