BOP Daily News
April 13, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Does a lead role in Star Wars guarantee typecasting in future movies? Mark Hamill, I mean Hayden Christensen doesn't think so. The actor, who is best known for his work in...well, Star Wars, knows full well that his 1970s counterpart (and movie son?) wound up stuck doing voice work in cartoons and videogames. But it's going to be a lot different for this kid, whatever his name is. When pressed to explain why, Whatshisface points out that he garnered work in Life As a House and Shattered Glass (combined domestic box office receipts of $17.9 million). Also, Vader has been cast as a co-star to A-Lister Mischa Barton (whom you know as the bad actress on The O.C.) in 2006's The Decameron. Yes, clearly this young talent, Hayden Christensen is poised for bigger and better things, just like his good buddy Jake Lloyd discovered after his run with Star Wars ended. The younger version of Anakin has most recently been seen...providing voice work in videogames. It's going to be totally different for you, though, Mr. Christensen! Don't you worry about that!
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Oh, Britney. What a wicked web we weave when first we practice to deceive. That's right, folks. Everybody's favorite pop starlet and Crossroads star has recanted on her recent repeated statements to the press that she is not in fact pregnant. What it turns out that she meant to say is that she is totally knocked up, and her earlier comments intending to confirm this must have somehow gotten messed up by her publicist. The plaid skirt phenomenon of the late '90s has recently been shopping a reality show based on her home life with philandering hubby Kevin Federline to all the usual suspects (read: Fox and MTV). Apparently, the concept will be a warm inside look at a trailer trash vixen repeatedly vomiting and getting really fat while her husband is off sleeping with anything that moves just like he did when his last girlfriend was pregnant. Sure, it sounds terrible, but it still beats that Jessica Simpson show.
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Mark Wahlberg has a new gig that will require equipment, but it's not of penile variety. Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch will suit up to play Vince Papale in Invincible. The movie tells the story of a diehard Philadelphia Eagles fan who attended a tryout for the team he loved. The 30-year-old man shocked everyone - including himself - by being invited to training camp. He went on to make the team as a wide receiver and special teams contributor, playing in 41 games from 1976 to 1978. Really, though, none of this is important to us. Mentioning Wahlberg simply gives us another chance to think about the rumored hot lesbian sex his cousin is having with Jennifer Aniston.
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M. Night Shyamalan favorite Joaquin Phoenix has been forced to check into a rehab facility today. It appears that he shares many of the same demons that wound up prematurely ending the life of brother River Phoenix. Joaquin has apparently decided he needs help in his battle with alcoholism. BOP hopes he gets well soon, as the death of River already robbed all movie fans of one of the greatest talents of the past 30 years. As for the causality of his recent need for drink, there is but one obvious solution. Those brutal reviews of The Village just keep finding new ways to torment the cast, don't they?
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"This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue: 'Drunken Hussies 3', 'Backdoor Patrol 5' and 'Mona Lisa Smile'. Thank you. "
Previous edition's quote: No Way Out
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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