BOP Daily News
April 7, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Quirky filmmaker Tim Burton continues to display the maverick directorial style that has made him the most popular pariah in Hollywood (assuming that's not a misnomer). The strangest living auteur (now that Kubrick is no longer with us) has reportedly spent six months of time and millions of dollars trying to replicate a sequence from Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. While the natural inclination would be to presume it's a key scene in the movie that has seen such effort put forth, this is not the case. Instead, the "actor" he has been training is a squirrel, and the task at hand is to crack a hazelnut then place it on a conveyor belt. Gee, Tim, we hate to tell you how to do your job, but there is new technology called CGI. It will allow you to digitally create a nutcracking squirrel. No, really.
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In a shocking turn of events, England's tabloid newspaper The Sun as well as the exponentially more credible BBC are reporting that Clive Owens has passed on becoming the next James Bond. The actor is reportedly fearful of being typecast for the rest of his career, leaving MGM/UA targeting a new candidate for the role. Their new choice is reportedly Daniel Craig, whom you probably don't remember from The Jacket, Enduring Love, Road to Perdition or Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. BOP does not want to completely dismiss this rumor as impossible, but it would be the movie franchise equivalent of signing William Hung to be the new closer for the Dodgers.
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Meanwhile, the real James Bond, Sean Connery is returning to his roots. No, the soon-to-be-octogenarian is not going to be named the once and future Bond. But he will be providing the voice of 007 in the upcoming videogame adaptation of franchise classic From Russia with Love. The Electronic Arts title represents Connery's first official involvement with the franchise since either 1983's Never Say Never Again or 1971's Diamonds Are Forever depending on whether you agree with MGM's point of view. Perhaps ironically, had an unknown voice actor been given this assignment instead of Connery, -that- guy still would be as famous as Daniel Craig.
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Completing one of the final terms of the divorce between the Weinsteins and Walt Disney, an accountant has been selected. Said new employee is actually to be titled CEO of Miramax Books. His name is Rob Weisbach and his primary task will be independently overseeing the finances of the movies shared by the studio and the outcast duo to make sure that no bookkeeping irregularities occur. This way, neither party gets caught with their hand in the cookie jar during the final, shaky days of their business dealings. And in the future, if you ever wonder how best to define a slow news day at BOP, it's when we chronicle the hiring of an accountant.
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"Some men just don't like to be driven."
"No, some men don't like to be taken for a ride. "
Previous edition's quote: Freaks and Geeks.
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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