BOP Daily News
March 31, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Long forgotten hair band Europe might not be Superstitious, but Paramount Pictures is. The studio has purchased a script of the same name based on David Ambrose's novel. The book allows for the premise that an untapped power of the human mind is the ability to create ghosts. When scientists perform a seance, their combined mental prowess unleashes a spirit capable of shifting reality. The ghost is eventually prevented from wreaking further havoc when a spunky heroine figures out its weakness. She seduces said spirit by sculpting a clay plot and playing The Righteous Brothers' Unchained Melody. There are, however, unexpected repercussions when Whoopi Goldberg winds up hosting the Oscars.
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The commercialization of Hollywood has reached its final stage. AMC Theaters has followed in the footsteps of leading theater chain Regal Cinemas by merging their own version of The 20 with Regal's. This effectively creates a super-commercial monster that will devour roughly 5,000 of the 15,000 theaters in North America. That's right, suckers. If you have the audacity to show up early for a movie feature, you will be inundated with an endless loop of commercials involving women who feel not-so-fresh.
The unexpected fallout from all of this is that Sony PSP sales will shoot through the roof as audiences seek alternate means to avoid watching endless commercials about how Manny the Stuntman's livelihood is in danger.
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Good news, Sho Kosugi fans! The star of Ninja III: The Domination is returning the public eye. The actor has been out of the limelight for a while now. This is presumably because Kosugi lost face when he was unable to inflict his nefarious plans for global domination on Timothy Van Patten and Lee Van Cleef aka The Master. But the actor has made peace with his loss of honor over the past few years. He is now ready to snatch the pebble from your fist, grasshopper, as he stars in The Return of the Ninja. The project sees the legendary kung fu master portray a...well, legendary kung fu master (face it, Sho, you're typecast) who travels to America to find a student worthy of his teachings. The student must be able to clear his mind of all distractions, emptying his head of all knowledge. Somewhere in Hollywood, Chris Klein's phone should be ringing right about....now.
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You might not know the name but director John Stockwell crafted one of the most sublime teen romances since Say Anything... The film, crazy/beautiful, exhibited an innate understanding of what it's like to fall in love with or being the parent of deeply troubled but well intended person. The damaged actress in question was a pre-Mary Jane Kirsten Dunst, and Stockwell led the teen to her best performance since Interview with the Vampire. Stockwell has since followed up that underrated gem with two shamelessly commercial titles, Blue Crush and the upcoming Into the Blue. But the director seeks to return to his storytelling roots with his next project, Turistas. The flick tells the story of a sextet of co-eds backpacking across Brazil. The group's dream vacation turns into a nightmare when the students find themselves kidnapped by a politically motivated guerilla group. Josh Duhamel has been cast in the lead, which is odd because he doesn't fit Stockwell's usual m.o. of selling the film through showing repeated shots of the star in a bikini. Duhamel is a good looking guy, but he doesn't have the chest that Jessica Alba and Kate Bosworth do. Plus, he needs to shave his legs.
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"Only a ninja can kill a ninja. "
Previous edition's quote: Dallas
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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