BOP Daily News
March 28, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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The dream is over. The relationship of Hollywood super couple Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt has officially reached the point of no return. Aniston filed for divorce from her husband of almost five years, citing the proverbial irreconcilable differences. The couple has been scandalized in recent months as rumor mongers have speculated about the causality of the split. Initial reports indicated that Angelina Jolie and Pitt had become a bit too tight while attempting to assassinate each other in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Later, an even more incendiary report was published that linked Aniston with Mark Wahlberg's cousin. His female cousin. Whatever the actual reason, the reality is simple. We face a brace new world where TV's Joey no longer has the avenue of Brad Pitt stunt casting available.
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Speaking of Brad Pitt's phone sex partner, Gia, FHM magazine finally got it right this year. The publication's chronically underwhelming list of 100 sexiest women in the world is notorious for picking ridiculous choices for the most attractive beauty in the world. As an example, 2004 saw trailer trash uber-skank Britney Spears inexplicably chosen. But in 2005, FHM has their finger on the pulse. Angelina Jolie is their selection as the sexiest woman in the world. Also correctly represented in the top ten are Jennifer Garner, Charlize Theron, and Scarlett Johansson. Conversely, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are inexplicably ranked third and tenth, demonstrating that FHM likes 'em young and syphilis-intensive.
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Gruff movie hard-ass Tom Sizemore is about to find out just how hard his ass really is. The master whore-monger has officially won his race to the bottom of humanity while also receiving the ire of the criminal justice system. The actor was already on parole for a series of criminal activities involving drug possession and spousal abuse. Now, he has been punished with 21 months of prison time for punching ex-girlfriend and famed Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss. This comes on the heels of the feckless thug's attempt to smuggle in a fake penis in order to pass a court-mandated drug test. Boy, that inevitable Tom Sizemore biopic is going to be grittier and more shocking than an entire season of Oz.
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On a personal note, BOP would like to extend our condolences to Kentucky Wildcats super fan Ashley Judd on the heels of the team's brutal elimination from the NCAA tournament. Hang in there, Ashley. Things might feel bleak now, but we are sure that an off-season spent making three more waste-of-time detective movies will make your life worth living again.
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"You came halfway around the world to watch me play this basketball? "
Previous edition's quote: Seinfeld
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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