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BOP Daily NewsMarch 22, 2005The spirit of BOP News lives on in
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| There are odd stories, there are unlikely stories and then there are stories so impossible to believe that it seems certain that someone somewhere has been bamboozled. It's the last scenario that appears most reasonable about this news item, but here it is anyway. A handful of semi-reliable news-gathering organizations are reporting that Steven Spielberg (!) has purchased the rights to the Baywatch franchise. In addition, it is claimed that the legendary director intends to make a theatrical adaptation of the David Hasselhoff production that introduced the world to Pamela Anderson's heaving bosom. While BOP reiterates that we won't believe it until we see the legal documents, that doesn't stop us from fantasizing about dream casting. BOP wants The Rock to take on the Hasselhoff part, Jessica Alba to be the new Pamela Anderson, and Orlando Bloom to play little Hobie, the brat who never aged. |
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Boy, that Lowell from Wings is a comer. It seems that Thomas Haden Church, the man who universally swept critical awards for Best Supporting Actor, has leveraged his stellar work in Sideways into a primo gig. Church has been cast in the yet-unannounced role of the villain in Spider-Man 3. Church's most recent work prior to Sideways was in the made for cable production George of the Jungle 2. The thespian now finds himself anchoring a movie production with legitimate billion dollar prospects. This is the cinematic equivalent of putting your tooth under your pillow at night then waking up to discover that in lieu of cash, the tooth fairy has left you a mint condition Babe Ruth rookie card. Thomas Haden Church couldn't even get work in Spider-Man 2 as Snooty Usher pre-Sideways. Now, he's the freakin' franchise. |
| Spider-Man is not the only comic book franchise laying out plan for the future. X-Men 3 is also starting to gear up, and the early words is that more mutants are being brought into the fold. With at least three members of the cast for the first two films not guaranteed to come back, the plan is to introduce the world to new blood. As such, Gambit, Beast and (probably) Angel will be added. There was some early discussion of Angel getting a sex change, but Hugh Jackman's recent flamboyance indicates that he had already called dibs. |
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Disciple of Gamblor Ben Affleck has chosen to rub some dirt on it and get back in the game. Over the past two years, the Gigli actor has received a media beating the likes of which had not been seen since the Costner era. A lot of it stemmed from his relationship with tempestuous brat Jennifer Lopez, but Affleck did himself no favors by choosing projects such as Surviving Christmas. Now that he has learned his lesson about trusting the director to make him look good, Matt Damon's better half has decided to Project Greenlight himself. The fledgling auteur will direct Gone, Baby, Gone, an adaptation of the novel of the same name by Dennis Lehane, the Mystic River scribe. When describing his previous relationship failure that brought him to this point, Affleck spoke in some strange language BOP does not understand but that sounds dirty. "I told her I was all-in but when she called, I saw that Marc Antony's nut flush had won her hand." |
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In celebration of today's announcement, it's time for Singalong with BOP! Some people stand in the darkness Afraid to step into the light Some people need to help somebody When the edge of surrender’s in sight.. Don’t you worry! Its gonna be alright ‘cause I’m always ready, I won’t let you out of my sight. I’ll be ready (I’ll be ready) Never you fear (no don’t you fear) I’ll be ready Forever and always I’m always here. |
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"I was fallen upon by a gang of critics."
Previous edition's quote: L.A. Confidential
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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Saturday, April 27, 2024
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