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BOP Daily NewsMarch 11, 2005The spirit of BOP News lives on in
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| In a direct assault against yesterday's BOP News update, Bruce Willis went on the offensive overnight. The aging skinhead bristled at our assertion that actresses must be paid a significant amount of money in order to agree to kiss him onscreen. To prove that he still appeals to the fairer sex, Willis read a local trade and determined that the kids today like some busty young lass named Lindsay Lohan. According to the New York Post, Willis then made it his mission to participate in a "mutual gropefest" with the frisky filly. Before you ask how the man who turns 50 on March 19th could get an 18-year-old diva-in-training, simply remember this. Lohan is an alcoholic skank. She should prove to be a perfect role model for future stepchild Rumer Willis. After all, the two girls are only a couple of years apart in age. They could totally hang out together at the mall and stuff. Plus, anybody is going to be a step up from their other new step-parent, Ashton Kutcher. BOP acknowledges that you've won this round, Die Hard, but like the Gruber family, we'll be back. |
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Recently outed gay icon SpongeBob SquarePants, he of the impossibly sunny disposition, has taken time out from conquering Hollywood to provide a needed service for his fans. It seems that the big-nosed yellow freak that all the kids love has taken criticism from Focus on the Family pinhead James Dobson a bit personally. The reactionary motard questioned the sexuality of everyone's favorite two-dimensional sponge, indicating that whatever sex SpongeBob might be, he prefers that same sex during intercourse. It makes BOP wonder exactly what sort of mind-altering substances Mr. Dobson was on when he started tripping balls and fantasizing about SpongeBob getting busy with other previously asexual seafaring cleaning devices. But I digress. SpongeBob has made a videotape about the joys of acceptance for those whose beliefs might differ from our own. The video's preaching of toleration and understanding automatically makes it night and day more wise and rational than the man criticizing it. Seriously, dude, a gay sponge? There are straightjacket-clad people in rooms with rubber walls who make more coherent arguments than this one. Hell, Courtney Love makes more sense. |
| Tara Reid's cleavage continues to get more positive exposure than her career. The most recent example involves her surgically enhanced décolletage and Sky Las Vegas Condominiums. It appears that the actress is annoyed by their recent advertising campaign, "Dear Tara Reid. Come let it all hang out." The slogan references her (allegedly) accidental flashing of reporters during a red carpet entrance last year to the 35th birthday party of Sean "Puffy" Combs. Believe it or not, Reid's lawsuit claims that the advertising casts the failing starlet as "sexually lewd or immoral". In related news, Stephen King plans to sue his publisher for casting his books in a light which makes him seem like a horror writer. Jesus, lady. You paid a guy several thousand dollars to butcher your tits. You might as well let them pop up on a few billboards here or there. |
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Boy, did a Mexican movie pirate ever choose the wrong guy to sell the wrong film. It seems that recently promoted MPAA president Dan Glickman made an unexpected discovery while on a reconnaissance mission in Mexico. A black market salesman in a notoriously crime-ridden area offered Glickman a copy of the recently released Vin Diesel vehicle, The Pacifier. Of course, since the film was produced by Glickman's son, Jonathan, he already had an in on the project if he really wanted to see it. Whether you like the concept of movie piracy or not, you have to admire the moxy of someone who steals something then tries to sell it back to one of the original owners. Glickman later met with Mexican president Vicente Fox and discussed the issue of the country's piracy costing Hollywood $140 million. Which means Mexican movie piracy is what is saving the world from Hollywood studios being able to afford a Catwoman sequel. God bless those eye-patched thieving bastards. |
"I go for younger women, lived with several awhile. Though I ran 'em away, they'll come back one day, and I still could manage a smile. Just takes awhile.
And I have been drunk now for over two weeks."
Previous edition's quote: LA Story
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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Sunday, April 28, 2024
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