BOP Daily News
February 15, 2005
The spirit of BOP News lives on in
This is So Last Week,
our pop culture week-in-review,
presented in a pleasing quiz form.
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Stephen Sommers is dusting himself off after the Van Helsing fiasco and getting back into the game. The writer/director has been convalescing after a critical beating the likes of which would make Kevin Costner blush, but he has finally decided to move on with his life. After Sommers finishes writing his comeback project, Flash Gordon, the man behind The Mummy moves on to lighter fare. The production he has settled upon is Magic Kingdom For Sale—Sold!, an adaption of the fictional yet somehow semi-autobiographical Terry Brooks novel. The story follows a bored attorney’s life as he tries to find a hobby. When he decides upon a realty purchase with some mystical connotations, the barrister is surprised to discover that he does in fact own a fantasy realm whose value is fading fast. In Hollywood terms, this is like becoming the next CEO of Disney after Eisner is gone.
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Don’t tell Scotty but Kristin Kreuk is lining up a starring role in a movie where she doesn’t make out with Matt Damon then disappear for 90 minutes. The film in question is Partition, and Kreuk will be asked to play a 17-year-old British girl living in India. The youth’s life is thrown into turmoil when the nation-state is split asunder. If you’re scoring at home, Kreuk has now played a 17-year-old in Edgemont, Smallville, Eurotrip and now this. At the actual age of 22, she has three more years of this, max, before she has to move on to cinematic lesbianism in order to extend her career.
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Hayden Christensen will take time off from his busy schedule of sucking in a Star Wars film once every three years in order to film a new project. This latest outing is called The Decameron, an adaptation of the Giovanni Boccaccio classic. The ever-effiminate Darth Vader wannabe will portray the love interest of The O.C.’s Mischa Barton, presumably leaving her unfulfilled and desperate. This almost certainly explains why she has begun to experiment with her sexuality on The O.C. Sidenote: You want to talk about sullying the good name of someone. Hayden Christensen is to Darth Vader as Nero is to Julius Caesar.
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Chris Rock has decided to bite the hand that is trying to feed him and hard. The comedian turned actor has set tongues wagging in recent days due to this outspoken, controversial nature. The man scheduled to host the Academy Awards ceremony was recently quoted as saying that he never watched the show. "Come on, it's a fashion show… What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars?” Members of the Academy are said to be furious at his comments. As a way to express their outrage, they plan to add an extended dance segment about the manliness of the show. The sequence will have countless 120 pound men in crotch-enhancing leotards bend their bodies in a manner that defies physics. The performance will continue until Rock either apologizes, admits he was wrong, or turns gay.
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"I think we're beyond euphemisms at this point: God's a Skee-Ball fanatic."
Previous edition's quote: Zoolander
Box Office Prophets offers quality, reliable news about the entertainment industry. BOP is also entertaining. To that end, please be advised that some content in this column is intended to be humorous and should not be considered factual.
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