July Forecast

By Stephanie DeGateo

Ahh...the month of July. While others revel in blockbuster heaven, I hole myself up waiting, just waiting for October when I can again enter the multiplex and see a film in which I actually have an interest. Because, aside from Seabiscuit, there's not one film opening in wide release that's appealing to this 30-something film buff with no children to entertain. So, with that in mind, I decided to provide you with my predictions for the month.

1. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

I never saw Terminator or T-2. My husband thinks that's crazy. I think the fact that he hasn't seen Gone with the Wind or The Sound of Music is crazy. He argues that he grew up in a house of men (three boys), so why would they be watching Julie Andrews cavort around a fountain with a bunch of kids singing about deer? Anyway, he's psyched to see T-3, and I'm afraid he's in the majority. Considering the fact that the buzz on the film has been halfway decent, I'd expect this to be the highest grossing film of the month. Not that I'm happy about it.

2. Bad Boys II

I never saw Bad Boys. My husband doesn't think that's crazy, luckily. Be that as it may, a hell of a lot of people saw Bad Boys and boy, have Will Smith and Martin Lawrence ever gotten more popular. BBII is the kind of film that summer movie goers crave. I hope you all have fun with Will and Martin.

3. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde

I never saw Legally Blonde (are you sensing a theme?). However, I have it on fairly good authority that it was a cute little film. I'm not really partial to cute little films, but in a month where there are a lot of men trying to shoot or duel each other, I'm sure many will be yearning for cute. I think the pink pill box Jackie Kennedy look is a bit much on Reese, but you know, over the long holiday weekend, I'm sure enough Americans will be willing to salute.

4. Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl

I've actually been on the Pirates of the Carribean ride, so this is the first film on the list to which I feel an affinity. Not that I'm going to see it, but my dad is. He actually said to me that he's looking forward to it, because he misses the pirate films from when he was a kid. Nostalgia for the older crowd, Disney tie-in for the kiddies, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom for the teens...could be a good mix to draw in a fairly diverse crowd. Unless, of course, it's terrible. Cutthroat Island, anyone? Still, I'm banking on it being not that bad, hence the number four ranking.

5. Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas

After Finding Nemo, Sinbad looks like it's already outdated. And, I'm sorry, but Brad Pitt just doesn't have the right voice for Sinbad. Be that as it may, it's summer, kids are out of school and parents need to park 'em somewhere that's air conditioned every so often. I don't think this will be a smash, but it'll do okay.

6. The League of the Extraordinary Gentlemen

This movie was the wild card in the bunch. I know this film is based on a comic book that has a rabid fan base, but I don't know anyone who actually wants to see it. Plus, the commercials don't make the movie look interesting at all. I'm putting it at number six because I expect the fanboys will be there and give it decent numbers in the opening weekend. I wouldn't be surprised if it tanks further down, though (yes, I'm hedging my bets).

7. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

I never saw Spy Kids or Spy Kids 2. But my friends with kids have and they say the series is not so bad. You could flip Sinbad and Spy Kids 3-D on my list, but I'm just guessing that the Spy Kids audience is slightly older and maybe more tired of the same old formula. As an aside, when Agent Cody Banks was released, my husband really was interested in seeing Angie Harmon in a tight leather outfit...not enough to see the film, mind you. And I thought casting Colin Firth in What a Girl Wants would have made it fun to see, if I had some pre-teen girls to call my own. As an expectant parent, I would encourage Hollywood to keep putting people like Antonio Banderas and Harmon and Firth in kiddie/tween films. It'll make sitting through movies aimed at ten-year-olds so much more bearable for us adults.

8. Seabiscuit

As I stated above, it's the only film this month I actually want to see. So why do think it'll perform in the fair to middling range? Did I mention it's the only film I want to see? Seriously, no one will be happier than me if a whole bunch of movie goers, tired from comic book heros, aliens, gun toting machines and cute blonde lawyers, turn out in droves to see what seems like a well-made, uplifting story. And maybe I'm underestimating its appeal, but Road to Perdition didn't really blossom during its summer release last year, and I'm not sure Seabiscuit will either. I do think, of all the films this month, Seabiscuit will have the best legs...he's got four, you know (bum-da-bum).

9. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

I never saw Lara Croft: Tomb Raider or played the video game upon which it was based. I do know that many people who played the game, loved Angelina Jolie and saw the original were not enthused about it. And, unless this film is markedly better than the first, I don't have particularly high expectations for the sequel. Now that I'm writing this, I'm sure it'll kick Pirate butt and there will be a stream of e-mails from a bunch of you, ragging on my prediction. Have fun if it happens. I'm due to give birth at the end of the month and I can tell you, I won't care what you write.

10. How to Deal

With only 11 releases this month, it was a toss up as to which film would get the last spot. I'm going with Mandy Moore, tween singing/acting, umm, sensation over Rowan Atkinson, British comedian. Teens with disposable income trump the fans of Mr. Bean.

  • Read Tim Briody's July forecast
  • Read John Hamann's July forecast
  • Read Marty Doskins' July forecast
  • Read Dan Krovich's July forecast
  • Read David Mumpower's July forecast