By Stephanie DeGateo
Ahh...the month of July. While others revel in blockbuster heaven, I hole
myself up waiting, just waiting for October when I can again enter the
multiplex and see a film in which I actually have an interest. Because, aside from
Seabiscuit, there's not one film opening in wide release that's appealing to
this 30-something film buff with no children to entertain. So, with that in
mind, I decided to provide you with my predictions for the month.
1. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
I never saw Terminator or T-2. My husband
thinks that's crazy. I think the fact that he hasn't seen Gone with the
Wind or The Sound of Music is crazy. He argues that he grew up in a house
of men (three boys), so why would they be watching Julie Andrews cavort around
a fountain with a bunch of kids singing about deer? Anyway, he's psyched to
see T-3, and I'm afraid he's in the majority. Considering the fact that the buzz on the
film has been halfway decent, I'd expect this to be the highest grossing
film of the month. Not that I'm happy about it.
2. Bad Boys II
I never saw Bad Boys. My husband doesn't think that's
crazy, luckily. Be that as it may, a hell of a lot of people saw Bad Boys
and boy, have Will Smith and Martin Lawrence ever gotten more popular. BBII is the
kind of film that summer movie goers crave. I hope you all have fun with
Will and Martin.
3. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde
I never saw Legally Blonde
(are you sensing a theme?). However, I have it on fairly good authority that
it was a cute little film. I'm not really partial to cute little films, but
in a month where there are a lot of men trying to shoot or duel each other,
I'm sure many will be yearning for cute. I think the pink pill box Jackie
Kennedy look is a bit much on Reese, but you know, over the long holiday
weekend, I'm sure enough Americans will be willing to salute.
4. Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl
I've actually been on the Pirates of the Carribean ride, so this is the first film on the list to which I feel an affinity. Not that I'm going to see it, but my dad is. He actually said to me that he's looking forward to it, because he misses
the pirate films from when he was a kid. Nostalgia for the older crowd,
Disney tie-in for the kiddies, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom for the
teens...could be a good mix to draw in a fairly diverse crowd. Unless, of
course, it's terrible. Cutthroat Island, anyone? Still, I'm banking on it
being not that bad, hence the number four ranking.
5. Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
After Finding Nemo, Sinbad looks like it's
already outdated. And, I'm sorry, but Brad Pitt just doesn't have the
right voice for Sinbad. Be that as it may, it's summer, kids are out of
school and parents need to park 'em somewhere that's air conditioned every
so often. I don't think this will be a smash, but it'll do okay.
6. The League of the Extraordinary Gentlemen
This movie was the wild card in
the bunch. I know this film is based on a comic book that has a rabid fan
base, but I don't know anyone who actually wants to see it. Plus, the
commercials don't make the movie look interesting at all. I'm putting it at
number six because I expect the fanboys will be there and give it decent numbers in
the opening weekend. I wouldn't be surprised if it tanks further down,
though (yes, I'm hedging my bets).
7. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
I never saw Spy Kids or Spy Kids 2. But my
friends with kids have and they say the series is not so bad. You could
flip Sinbad and Spy Kids 3-D on my list, but I'm just guessing that the Spy Kids
audience is slightly older and maybe more tired of the same old formula.
As an aside, when Agent Cody Banks was released, my husband really was
interested in seeing Angie Harmon in a tight leather outfit...not enough to
see the film, mind you. And I thought casting Colin Firth in What a Girl
Wants would have made it fun to see, if I had some pre-teen girls to call my
own. As an expectant parent, I would encourage Hollywood to keep putting
people like Antonio Banderas and Harmon and Firth in kiddie/tween films.
It'll make sitting through movies aimed at ten-year-olds so much more
bearable for us adults.
As I stated above, it's the only film this month I actually
want to see. So why do think it'll perform in the fair to middling range?
Did I mention it's the only film I want to see? Seriously, no one will be
happier than me if a whole bunch of movie goers, tired from comic book
heros, aliens, gun toting machines and cute blonde lawyers, turn out in
droves to see what seems like a well-made, uplifting story. And maybe I'm
underestimating its appeal, but Road to Perdition didn't really blossom
during its summer release last year, and I'm not sure Seabiscuit will
either. I do think, of all the films this month, Seabiscuit will have the
best legs...he's got four, you know (bum-da-bum).
9. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
I never saw Lara Croft: Tomb Raider or
played the video game upon which it was based. I do know that many people
who played the game, loved Angelina Jolie and saw the original were not
enthused about it. And, unless this film is markedly better than the first,
I don't have particularly high expectations for the sequel. Now that I'm
writing this, I'm sure it'll kick Pirate butt and there will be a stream of
e-mails from a bunch of you, ragging on my prediction. Have fun if it
happens. I'm due to give birth at the end of the month and I can tell you, I
won't care what you write.
10. How to Deal
With only 11 releases this month, it was a toss up
as to which film would get the last spot. I'm going with Mandy Moore, tween
singing/acting, umm, sensation over Rowan Atkinson, British comedian. Teens
with disposable income trump the fans of Mr. Bean.
Read Tim Briody's July forecast
Read John Hamann's July forecast
Read Marty Doskins' July forecast
Read Dan Krovich's July forecast
Read David Mumpower's July forecast