How to Spend $20
By Les Winan
June 22, 2004
Taking a look ahead at the week's DVD releases is always dicey for your wallet. Nearly every week, there's a disc that would fit nicely into any size collection. When it comes time to decide what to buy, there are really two determining factors: how much you love the content and the quality of the extra features on the disc.
As a result, decisions will be totally subjective (I bought the full run of the unjustly canceled ABC dramedy Sports Night, no matter that the discs are featureless, The Criterion Collection edition of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a disc I had been dreaming of for years). The massive unreleased studio (film and television) back-catalogue means that every week there's likely something for every film fan. So before you think to yourself, "I realize that this isn't the "classic" television show, but I'll watch Perfect Strangers more than once!" stop; ask yourself, "Why!?" and then check to see if Perfect Strangers (or your disc of choice) is one of the weekly BOP DVD recommendations.
Sometimes there's a week. Well, sometimes there's really a week. This is one of those weeks. I can see myself renting one of the movies released this week on DVD, but not much else. Oh, Bad Santa has fans, and I’ll rent it for the simple pleasure of Lauren Graham, but this is one of those weeks where you just want to bury your head in the sand and reminisce about days of yore. Like, for instance last week. The rest of this week's column is below, but frankly, I think your'e better off reading last week’s.
For people who really, really, really love Elvis: Elvis: '68 Comeback Special (Deluxe Edition) (1968); Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii (Deluxe Edition) (1973)
Oh boy. Here it is’your chance to see Elvis in digital. I wonder if every fried peanut butter and banana sandwich he ate will be visible on his fat ass. I suppose so. Here’s my question, if youï’e going to go so far as frying a sandwich like that, why not just put bacon on it? Seriously. Bacon would at least make it interesting. I’ve at least eaten a peanut butter and banana sandwich once. That doesn’t mean I liked it, but I did eat it. I wasn’t dumb enough to fry it because, frankly, I don’t want to die on the toilet. I just think if youï’e going to fry something like that, you should put bacon on it. Fried Twinkie? Put bacon on it! I don’t love bacon, but if youï’e going to work that hard to kill yourself, might as well have some bacon while your'e doing it. You know, there are a lot of things that I think are nearly always enjoyable: sex; eating; sleeping; sitting on the toilet; but I wouldn’t want to die on the toilet, particularly if I was one of the most famous people in the world. Personally, I want to die in the saddle, if you know what I’m saying (and I think you do). I’d like to be the first 110-year-old to die having sex.
For those of us who have worn out our Super Troopers DVD’s: Reno 911: The Complete First Season (2-DVD Set) (2003)
Apparently this show is funny. But I refuse to watch it because I’d rather just watch Super Troopers over and over. It has something to do with state troopers or police officers in Reno, but I’ve never watched it. Why? Because I’d rather watch Super Troopers. If you like the show, on the DVD you’ll find a cast and director audio commentary and deleted scenes. I’m just going to go and watch Super Troopers.
For peple who just can’t wait for Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Secret Window (2004)
Johnny Depp is one ver-sa-tile fella. First, he played a guy with scissors with hands (who has scissors for hands), then he played an FBI agent and a pirate. Now he’s a writer. Do you think Depp gets really, really method? I hope so. It would be so awesome if he is so method that he ran around for weeks before starting Edward Scissorhands with knives on his fingers and pruned every bush in his neighborhood. That would be awesome. Just like if he pretended to go undercover as an FBI agent for a while before Donnie Brasco, or sailed around the Caribbean with Keith Richards prior to Pirates. Okay, maybe that would only entertain me. IF you're really interested in a thriller about a writer accused of plagarism (WOOO! SCARY!), on the Secret Window DVD, you’ll find deleted scenes; audio commentary with writer/director David Koepp; animated storyboards; and featurettes. It is a Stephen King story come to screen, but that just makes me wonder’where did he get the inspiration? Was it after he stole my idea for Cujo? I bet it was, STEPHEN KING, YOU BASTARD!
For Lauren Graham’s ass: Badder Santa (Unrated) (2003)
All I know is I like the word ‘Unrated’ being used on anything that Lauren Graham is involved in. Funny story’a few weeks ago, my soon-to-be wife and I were watching an episode of Gilmore Girls and out of the blue, she said ‘You know, Lauren Graham has a nice ass." So I spent the remainder of the episode staring at her ass. You know, to make sure that if I had to prove her wrong, I’d have plenty of proof. Ultimately, the Mrs. is right. Lauren Graham does have a great ass.
Bad(der) Santa is the DVD Pick of the Week, almost by default. I say almost because, despite the fact that I never saw the movie, a lot of people liked it. Enough to make an ‘Unrated’ version worth releasing on DVD. You know how it’s ‘Badder’? There’s an entire featurette about Lauren Graham’s ass. Seriously. That alone was enough to make me run out and buy the DVD.
As a perennial Christmas curmudgeon (youï’e all shocked, I’m sure), I find the notion of a guy getting a job as a department store Santa as a way to case the store for a robbery entertaining. The concept is made all the more entertaining by the presence of Bernie Mac, a midget, John Ritter and Lauren Graham’s ass. Sounds like a winner to me, something I’ll actually run out and rent in the very near future. If you do run out and rent it (or buy), youï’e going to enjoy extra footage; a gag reel; deleted and alternate scenes; outtakes; and a featurette.
Disclaimer: There is not a featurette about Lauren Graham’s ass on the Badder Santa DVD
June 22, 2004
13 Moons (2002)
Antony and Cleopatra (1974)
Bad Santa (2003)
Badder Santa (Unrated) (2003)
Blaze Battle Round One (2004)
Blood of the Beast (2003)
Cold Feet (1989)
Deathwatch (2002)
Deception (1993)
Devil Winds (2003)
Elvis: '68 Comeback Special (Deluxe Edition) (1968)
Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii (Deluxe Edition) (1973)
Hullabaloo over Georgie and Bonnie's Pictures (1978)
Line King: The Al Hirschfeld Story (1996)
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2004)
The Lower Depths (2-DVD Criterion Edition) (1962)
Mamma Roma (Criterion Edition) (1957)
Night Patrol (1985)
Perfect Strangers (2003)
Reno 911: The Complete First Season (2-DVD Set) (2003)
Savages (1972)
Scooby-Doo and the Monster of Loch Ness (2004)
Secret Window (2004)
Songwriter (1984)
Stray Cat Rock: Sex Hunter (1970)
A Woman is a Woman (Criterion Edition) (1960)
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