Elf Off the Shelf 2018: Part Two

By Daron Aldridge

December 24, 2018

The Elf on the Shelf phenomenon continues to steamroll the Christmas consciousness. If you have somehow escaped this trend, here's how it works: Your family buys the Elf on the Shelf and all through December, he moves around the house after the kids go to bed. He serves always as the eyes and ears of Santa, and then flies home to the North Pole every night to report. He's a Christmas surveillance drone, if you will.

For the sixth year, the Elf is not content with merely hanging out on some shelf or mantle. He's once again taken a liking to not just invading your homes but well-known movie posters. Now, he returns as an Elf Off the Shelf.

Day 10: The all-seeing Elf gets philosophical for one particular youngster on the African savannah. "So whenever you feel alone, just remember that those elves will always be there to guide you. And so will I."

Day 11: Hold on to your butts. The Elf is running amok in this "Adventure 65 million toys in the making."

If all elves had such magnificent mustaches...

Day 12: "I see a little silhouette-a of an Elf...Gotta move...Gotta move...Off to bed they now must go...go...go...go." Admittedly, Freddie and Mercury would be pretty great elf names.
Katherine Turner Overdrive

Day 13: My top 5 things to remember as an elf. 1) Stay still. 2) Report to Santa. 3) Leave a note. 4) Pick a new spot daily. 5) AVOID dogs...They are NOT an elf's best friend.

Day 14: Mr. Elf takes his magical innocence to Capitol Hill. Stand strong, good sir. Do what you know is right and "Nice" list worthy.
They hate each other.

Day 15: The Elf has traded the use persuasive discourse to solve problems employed by one Mr. Smith for the less "diplomatic" methods of another Mr. Smith.
Royale with cheese.

Day 16: A side trip to Jackrabbit Slim's for a dance contest was in order for the Elf this evening. Hopefully, they took home the trophy.

Day 17: Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor? I think the Elf is trying to campaign for a little more kindness toward his elfin brethren when it comes to parents who are frightened of or bitter toward them.



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