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Here we go, friends, the lightning round that recaps all of my convention experiences from 2012-2016. Buckle your seatbelts and get ready to speed your way through the history with Comic Con that led me to 2017’s shit show where I asked Phoenix about her tranny vagina.

Convention #1: New York Comic Con; Sunday, October 14, 2012 (read 5WTCC Part 1)

Convention #2: New York Comic Con; Sat/Sun, October 12/13, 2013
For my second convention, I went again with Travis and Heather, along with Heather’s mother, Michelle, who is the coolest/geekiest mom on the planet. We decided to make this Con a two-day affair so that we could spend more time shopping. Saturday was amazing. We figured on the first of the two days we should shop and get as much as we can before things sell out. That way, maybe we could also find something to get signed by one of the celebrities doing autographs on Sunday. On that Saturday, the stars aligned. Somehow, the crowds were half as big as in 2012 and there were more medium-sized shirts available to people of my stature. I quickly learned that small/medium women’s shirts and medium/large men’s shirts sell out the fastest over the four day convention period. My $300 clothing budget was blown within a few quick hours (shirts can be found for $20-25 and hoodies $50-70).

Sunday was a disaster. Turns out, Saturday 2013 was half as big as Sunday 2012 because Sundays are FREE KID DAY. Suddenly the chaotic charm I felt in 2012 changed to Sunday disdain in 2013 as noisy kids and distracted parents caused traffic jams galore. The cruel gods then tempted me with the prospect of meeting the Green/White Power Ranger with a perfectly timed autographing appearance. This was my second Con so I was determined to walk with at least one signed piece of memorabilia. Funko Pop figurines had yet to become a Con staple so I had no idea what to search for on the shopping level to have Jason David Frank sign. After almost two hours searching for The Power Rangers Movie DVD and time running out, I finally found a the only Power Rangers Complete TV Series DVD box set left in New York. Retail Value: $50. Cost at Vendor: $110. That’s the price you pay for not prepping for the Con.

After spending $110 on the DVDs I rushed to the lower level of the Javits Center and waited to meet Mr. Frank. He was just as gorgeous as he was in my childhood but now covered in the tattoos I find so attractive. The booth next to Jason’s belonged to another childhood legend of mine, Hulk Hogan. At one point, both celebrities were on breaks behind their booths, then they both came out, noticed each other, shook hands, then flexed together and went on their way. Professional photographers captured the picture. Everyone in line scrambled to get their cameras with most missing their chance. Except for me. I’m a picture whore with my camera attached to my face at Comic Con and it was this moment here that forever justified gluing myself to my camera. It was glorious and erotic and… over in the time it takes make a Megazord. The line started to move, cash was paid to an assistant, Jason shook my hand, asked for my name, signed the DVDs, took a picture and NEXT! I felt used like a one night stand but it was still a worthy climax. All the jealous nerds around me asked me to text them a copy of the Hulk vs Green Ranger snapshot I captured and I said I would. I never did though. I mean, geeks are cool and all but people are still psychopaths, you know?

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