This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for June 26-28, 2015

By Curt David

June 26, 2015

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of June 26th, the new movies in wide release are Max and Ted 2.






MaxTed 2 WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleOne word titleThe sequel to Ted. Ted is very recognizable. Point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Adventure/Family
Rated PG for action violence, peril, brief language and some thematic elements
Comedy
Rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug use
Two different genres and ratings. A happy 1/2 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Marine dog comes home.
Misses war. Has new owner
Has to save the day
Ted the Talking Bear
Wants equal rights like we have
Lots of crude humor
Nice plots. Another 1/2 point each.
Best TrailerPROS: A dog that’s a war hero. A family film that adults and boys might like without it being overly cheesy.
CONS: This movie would have been a great documentary...not sure how sappy it will actually be?
PROS: If you liked Ted, this movie will be perfect for you
CONS: If you did not like Ted, this movie will not be perfect for you.
And I liked each trailer, actually. 1/2 point each.
Coolest Lead ActorLauren Graham from Gilmore Girls.Mark Wahlberg from The Fighter and Lone Survivor.And I like both of these actors! Another 1/2 point each!
Best CastThomas Haden Church from Spider-Man 3. Amanda Seyfried, the voice of Seth MacFarlane, and a lot of cameosTed 2 will pull out this point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and director Boaz Yakin also wrote Prince of Persia, Now You See Me, and The Punisher. Writer and Director Seth MacFarlane also wrote and directed Ted and A Million Ways to Die in the West. And these guys can split this point.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Ted 2 scores 4 and 1/2 points and Max scores 2 and 1/2 points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like family movies, feel free to watch Max. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Ted 2 is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Max’s “Best Friend. Hero. Marine,” will beat out Ted 2’s “Ted is coming, again.” And FYI movie people, I’ve seen that tagline pun in like 100 movies over the past three years.
Conclusion 3: Last week I declared in Conclusion 3 that Finding Nemo was without a doubt the best Pixar film, but now I might think that award goes to Inside Out.




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