This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for August 22-24, 2014

By Curt David

August 22, 2014

You really need water for an effective Titanic recreation.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Rocky & Bullwinkle), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Natalie Portman in No Strings Attached), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 39%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of August 22nd, new movies in wide release are Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, If I Stay, and When the Game Stands Tall.







Sin City: A Dame to Kill For If I StayWhen the Game Stands TallWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleA sequel to Sin CityBased on a bookAlso based on a book about a real-life storySin City is the most recognizable title. Point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Action
Rated R for strong brutal stylized violence throughout, sexual content, nudity, and brief drug use
Drama
Rated PG-13 for thematic elements and some sexual material
Sports Drama
Rated PG for thematic material, a scene of violence, and brief smoking
Three different ratings, we hardly ever get that in this column! 1/3 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
The law is corrupt
All the outlaws start a gang
Shot in black & white
Teenage love story
But then she gets in coma
Her soul watches things
A great football team
Loses game, tragedy strikes
Have to rebuild team
Soul watches things? Have not haikued about that plot yet. Point for If I Stay.
Best TrailerPROS: Has the Sin City black and white, graphic novel look and action
CONS: The plot seemed a little confusing, and I didn’t care about the characters
PROS: You think it’s going to be a typical love story, and BAM!, it’s not (well still might be, but)
CONS: I want to say it’s a film made for teenage girls, but still a good trailer
PROS: Based on a true story, looks inspirational
CONS: Very sad scenes and very happy scenes, mixed together a little too much
If I Stay easily has the best trailer (and I would rather watch Sin City than a teenage love drama)
Coolest Lead ActorMickey Rourke from The WrestlerChloe Grace Moretz from Kick-Ass, Hugo, and Carrie. Jim Caviezel from Passion of the Christ and The Count of Monte Cristo. Chloe Grace Moretz is the most impressive actor (and I like both of those guys)! Point for her.
Best CastJessica Alba, Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Rosario Dawson, Bruce Willis, and many more. Mareille Enos (World War Z)Alexander Ludwig (Cato from The Hunger Games), Michael Chiklis (The Shield) and Laura Dern (Jurassic Park)I want to give the point to Laura Dern, but I think Sin City 2 will win today.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and director Frank Miller also wrote other graphic novels like 300, and director Robert Rodriguez also directed From Dusk to Dawn.Director R.J. Culter also directed some documentaries and TV shows. Director Thomas Carter also directed Save the Last Dance. Sin City will also get the Best Street Cred point.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For scores 3 and 1/3 points (and a gold star), If I Stay scores 3 and 1/3 points, and When The Game Stands Tall scores 1/3 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked The Fault in Our Stars, feel free to watch If I Stay. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Sin City 2 and If I Stay are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline, which serves as this column’s tie breaker. When the Game’s “It’s not how hard you fall, it’s how you get back up” isn’t going to do it. Nor is If I Stay’s “Live for Love.” The gold star will have to go to Sin City’s “There is no justice without sin,” which makes it the winning movie this weekend.
Conclusion 3: Chloe’s a good actress. I like how in this movie she plays a calm lovestruck cellist AND an emotional, highly strung, self-conscious person, and in other movies she has played a kick-ass foul-mouthed fighter in Kick-Ass, a cute kid in Hugo and Diary of a Wimpy Kid, a female vampire in Let Me In, and Carrie in Carrie! She’s like the only actress who can play roles that Meryl Streep can’t...she’s that good.

*Statistic is completely made up.




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