Monday Morning Quarterback Part III

By BOP Staff

August 8, 2014

Honesty for Lebatard!

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Pete Kilmer: It was the most fun I've had a movie theater in a LONG time. It had charm, heart, and Marvel sass. No question it's the child of Serenity/Star Wars, no question. We haven't had a something like that in YEARS and man, we needed it.

Max Braden: I'm impressed by the numbers, I applaud Chris Pratt, but here's where my cheerleading stops. I had so many problems with the movie. From the start, the Jello just fails to set. You have lots of people doing things but no real sense of cohesion. None of the characters live up to their movie counterparts: Capt. Kirk, Han Solo, and Mal are all more fun and believable buccaneers than Quill. A Klingon would have been a more interesting substitute for Drax. Is he supposed to be that dimwitted in the comics? Bautista's performance didn't help any (though his delivery on the "Nothing gets over my head!" joke was the second best dialogue in the movie), and it looked like the costume designers just doused him in glitter paint and called him it job done. That and some of the scenes reminded me of mid 1990s movies like Total Recall, The Final Frontier, and Joel Schumacher's Batman films.




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Drax was almost as campy as Mr. Freeze, and Schwarzenegger could have sat in for Thanos. And Thanos - nowhere near as intimidating as Emperor Palpatine, and lording over a remote section of space rubble? He's the Big Bad? I was just about to compare Ronan to some of Star Trek's villains, but I had a funny thought just now comparing him to the evil Ko-Dan Armada leader in The Last Starfighter (amusing, but not a strong point for this movie). Rocket had the most potential as a stone-hearted badass (like Mal shooting as soon as he learns his opponent is unarmed; Logan/Wolverine slashing first and asking questions later...) but then flips on his whole persona at the end. Gamora's character core too seems pretty flimsy. I know that's supposed to indicate character arc but it all felt rushed and not authentic. Advertising Vin Diesel as Groot was about as pointless as advertising the name of the dudes who voiced Jabba the Hutt. And again, if Groot can Hulk smash everyone, what's the point of having a muscle-bound weakling in Drax around? Who else is there...Glenn Close: a poor stand-in for Lando Calrissian or even Admiral Akbar.

Sure, it's a fun movie, it's better than average, but I believe those who are praising it with A grades will be downgrading it after multiple viewings and/or multiple years. I do think though that Guardians 2 will be better.


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