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Previously on Survivor, 10 pairs of castaways, each made up of a returning castaway and a loved one, began the game thinking they were going to play together, only to learn they were playing against each other. Gee, I wonder whether the returning players will dominate the newbies yet again?

Probst got twist-happy, first making each tribe vote out one player – sorry, Rupert’s Laura and Candice – and then revealing that Redemption Island was in play and that Rupert could take his wife’s place if he wanted. Rupert’s response was to shove Monica and Laura? out of the way in his haste to sacrifice himself.

On the returnees’ tribe Galang, “Colton tried to repair his image,” while on the newbies’ tribe Tadhana, “Brad hit the ground running,” which is one way to say it. Brad’s going to end up like Wile E. Coyote, churning his legs in mid-air ten seconds after he has run off the cliff.

Anyway, Galang won immunity, but Gervase’s “excessive celebration” meant that Marissa was targeted for the vote, “vengeance over keeping the tribe strong,” and the episode opens with her introducing herself to Candice and Rupert. She complains that those people had the audacity to put a frowny face on their vote, like they were upset! When really, they weren’t really upset at all! Those bastards!

Anyway, she blames it all on people getting annoyed at Gervase’s post-challenge celebration, but Candice says that Marissa called out Brad when they were first there on the beach and he did not like that. Candice agrees with me, so she must be pretty smart. Anyway, Marissa is bummed that she is the first one to be voted out, until Candice points out that she and Rupert’s Laura were voted out first. But they can all agree on how pissed they are.

What’s happening at Galang? There’s a big conga-massage line of happiness, is what. Rupert’s Laura is happy that it is such a peaceful tribe. However, Colton is not in the massage line, he is sitting and watching glumly. He interviews that he is completely over the “zen, calm, yoga mentality” vibe of the camp. After three days. Monica – who imprinted on her husband the need to be hyperactive from Day One – reminds Colton that the key to Survivor is to be patient.

But Colton doesn’t care because he doesn’t want this group to be the final nine. Like there’s any chance of that with tribe switches and loved ones. Can’t he just be patient, like Monica said? But “I love Caleb with every fibre of my being, and I just need to get to him.”

In a group discussion with Aras, Tina and Gervase, he says that Laura? is trying to throw Tina under the bus. Aras shuts him down immediately, saying “I don’t believe any of that talk, let’s focus on right now” – in other words, beat the other tribe so returnees dominate at the merge.

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