Top Chef: Seattle Recap

By David Mumpower

February 5, 2013

Can I bum a cigarette? How about some used panties?

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Dinner is served, and it looks divine. QSine serves their world famous sushi lollipops. I say that they are world famous because they are the runaway winner in a Google search for this particular food. Even as a sushi hater, I think this is a clever and delicious serving method. Of course, I totally forget about the sushi the moment the words “chocolate tombstone” are uttered. When I die, this is how I want to be buried.

While the cheftestants enjoy dessert, the trap is sprung. Padma and Curtis arrive to announce the Elimination challenge. The following evening, the players will be serving dinner for the vacationers. The goal is to create a modern version of an old staple, surf and turf. Nobody seems thrilled by the thought of this meal.

As mentioned earlier, Sheldon has first pick of proteins; the other players cannot use anything he chooses. Curiously, Sheldon is overwhelmed by freedom of choice. His indecisiveness frustrates the others, particularly Brooke. She starts rudely chanting, “Tick! Tick! Tick!” Eventually, Sheldon chooses lobster tail and beef tenderloin, causing Stefan to exclaim “WHY?” Baldy/Creepy/Thumby views this as the safest choice possible.

The Quixotic portion of the challenge forces the players to enter the labyrinthine bowels of the ship as they attempt to find ingredients. Poor Brooke notes that she is so overwhelmed by the volume of food that she is building her dish as she goes along. It is impossible for her to anticipate whether she will find the desired components. Her meal is reduced to an Easter Egg hunt.

Brooke’s mood does not improve during the next phase. There are unique serving trays at QSine. The “vessels” are a key aspect of the dining experience for the customers. Brooke is stuck with a plating experience she does not even understand. She keeps complaining that the pieces don’t fit. Brooke and Lizzie are both out of sorts this week, which worries me regarding their candidacies.




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While Lizzie continues to hate the cooking equipment, the only significant cooking issue involves Josh’s dish. His scallop pasta is too soft as the deadline approaches. With only 11 minutes remaining, Josh delivers one of the most daring dish conversions in the history of Top Chef. He decides to scramble (!) his pasta like an egg. If Josh saves his dish by scrambling pasta, he is my hero. This is a premiere example of the philosophy, “Go big or go home.”

The judges for the meal include Curtis Stone, Hugh Acheson, Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi and several members of the cruise staff. Tom points out that the only elimination more painful than being the first one voted out is being the one person in the final five who does not earn a spot in the final phase of the competition. Somewhere, Ed from Season 9 growls about the miscarriage of justice that cost him a spot in the final four that he had rightfully earned before the Last Chance Kitchen aspect was revealed.

Brooke again struggles with the enormous challenge of this heat. She notes that her plating item’s complexity forces her to touch each dish seven times. Presuming that there are still 200 plates being served (I never heard this confirmed during the episode), she has to perform 1,400 plate strokes sans any kitchen helpers. Frankly, too much is being asked of the cheftestants in this particular event. To Brooke’s credit, she repeatedly offers advice to Josh (and anyone else in listening range) about how to manage the time, a noble gesture.

Brooke (eventually) plates mussels & frog legs with celery root & fennel purée, papadums & shallot chutney. While I like Michigan J. Frog too much to entertain the possibility that this dish is delicious, the judges enjoy it. The funniest comment is the first one from a member of the crew who says, “I didn’t know we had frog legs onboard. Amazing!” This is presumably because nobody can find anything in the three miles of storage facility down below.


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