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Padma reveals the twist of the week. There is a tenth Kindle Fire (it’s like an Amazon warehouse on Top Chef!) loaded with another memorable moment, this one coming from the current season. Lizzie and John are informed that they will duel to determine who survives Judges table. Their challenge is to create a healthier version of the horrible burger that led to Tyler and CJ’s elimination.

What follows next is probably the best insight into the real John Tesar. Desperate to remain alive in the competition, he employs a tactic of gamesmanship to disrupt Lizzie. All that matters to Tesar is that he survives. At various points, he knocks Lizzie out of the way, he moves her pots and pans and he steals an entire ingredient from her.

Lizzie refuses to be bullied by his behavior. She develops a defense mechanism of being equal parts girlish and maternal. She says things like “lovey” then turns around and scolds him for inappropriate behavior. John’s narration reveals that he is livid about the whole thing. He starts ranting about how he could have kept the pickles for himself. In John’s world, a Top Chef contestant should be allowed to steal the key ingredient in a challenge if it suits him. Winning by default is still winning, right?

Both chefs deliver great dishes but Lizzie has the last laugh. John presents a lamb burger with fried egg & spicy pickle, tomato & pomegranate salad. I instantly recognize why he won’t win. The egg on top of the burger, while appealing, represents empty calories. That’s a poor tactical decision for a Healthy Choice challenge.

Lizzie’s response is a chicken burger with goat cheese ricotta & dill pickle roasted red pepper salad. The judges love everything about the dish. They fail to find anything of note to criticize. After being stuck with bad scallops earlier, she is lucky to be alive and she knows it. Her second plate demonstrates focus and creativity. The judges unanimously declare it the winner.

In the process, John Tesar is eliminated from Top Chef. While he never imploded like a Real Housewife the way that we all expected, his final comments reveal how unhinged he is by the turn of events. He keeps ranting about pickles to the point that I would suggest a prank to our Texas readers. If you ever see him on the street, walk by him and say something about pickles. I expect that he will grab a board with a nail in it and chase you down the street. On second thought, don’t do that. I don’t want any of you to get board-nailed by John Tesar.

Last Chance Kitchen is the rarest of rare Top Chef grudge match. CJ was forthcoming about his dislike of John earlier in the season. He probably never expected to have an opportunity to completely remove John from the competition. Will he take advantage? I think I speak for all of us when I say, “God, I hope so.”

The challenge is open-ended. The chefs can cook whatever they want. All they have to do is drive a Prius (Bravo TV: now with 30% more hooking!) to a grocery store to buy ingredients. When they return to Last Chance Kitchen, the trap is sprung. John’s complaint about pots and pans leads to a great prank from Tom Colicchio. He has assigned a bunch of people to scour local Seattle yard sales to acquire pots and pans. They return with some of the “most worn out, torn up, nasty, cheap cooking equipment available”…and John and CJ have to use them.

How big an impediment is this? CJ has a skillet handle catch fire. I don’t even know how that’s possible. The handle later breaks from the skillet. CJ is suffering for John’s inability to admit when he screws up. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Tom Colicchio is well aware of the difficulty of this challenge. He grades on a curve, accepting that both dishes are inferior due to the poor utensils.

What is important is that CJ wins! John Tesar has been eliminated from Top Chef. CJ runs his winning streak up to five, beating Beverly’s standing record from last season. With eight chefs still alive on Top Chef, he presumably would need to reach nine or possibly ten to return to the winner’s bracket. You’re roughly hallway there, CJ! Tails never fails!

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