New at BOP: Review: Matrix Resurrections Movie Review: Moonfall Movie Reviews: Scream The #1 Movie in America November Forecast The Many Saints of Newark October Forecast New Trivia Question All site updates Share & Save   Tweet Print this column

Sheldon serves the judges a beef carpaccio with poi aioli, mizuna & mushroom salad & silken tofu foam. I set a personal record for number of foods Googled in one dish for the poi aioli and mizuna. Suffice to say that I don’t see myself eating either one any time soon. The judges largely agree with me as they do not enjoy the tofu flavor at all.

Joshua spits in the face of fate once more as he presents a pork dish. The man with the horrible mustache is quite stubborn. To his credit, the soy-glazed pork tenderloin with smoked cashew purée & heirloom peaches dazzles in terms of presentation. The much greater shock occurs moments later when the judges compliment his cooking of the pork. Josh has served a quality pork dish. We are through the looking glass, people.

The final group is the most triumphant. Brooke presents smoked salmon, forbidden black rice with English pea & parsnip purée. Purée is in this week. The judges lick their plates. At least three demonstrate the tell-tale signs of sexual arousal. A couple of men need to hide their private parts behind textbooks as they leave the area.

Kristen’s dish is something I would never eat. It is a poached chicken breast, carrot purée with garlic & tofu emulsion. I’m pretty sure that Hell’s lunchroom serves tofu emulsion every meal. My jaw hits the floor as the judges express every bit as much admiration for Kristen’s dish as they did for Brooke’s. More impressively, they acknowledge that Brooke has honored the healthy stipulation for the challenge more than anyone else. After all, chicken, carrots and tofu are what children are offered by parents instead of ice cream and candy. Why do parents traumatize children like this anyway?

The news is less positive for Micah. He has prepared a five-spiced duck breast with miso polenta & pickled cherries. Jonathan Waxman describes the whole thing as “a bad idea”. Wolfgang Puck, genius that he is, immediately states a solution for how to improve the dish. The guests seem to enjoy it, though. Even if Micah is on the bottom, he is in no real jeopardy of going home. His recent hot streak is (at least temporarily) derailed, though.

Judges Table is a first for the show. Five players are asked to participate. Three of them are informed that they are in the top group. They are Joshua (!), Kristen and Brooke. After glowing compliments are hurled at the top trio, Kristen is declared the winner. She is once again richer, this time to the tune of $15,000. I liked Brooke’s chances but there is no disputing that Kristen’s dish is healthier.

The other two represent the bottom pair for the evening. Yes, the two people in the bottom group have a 50/50 chance of going home. Those two people are both fine chefs, Lizzie and John. An above average competitor this season will be eliminated tonight.

The judges quiz John on what went wrong and he hilariously starts by saying, “I’m not making you an excuse but there wasn’t one level pot in the kitchen that would cook that much risotto.” Wolfgang Puck jumps down his throat over this disingenuous statement. “Now, you can make excuses about the pots. At the end of the day, when the customer eats it, he doesn’t want any excuse for it.”

Joshua finally has his moment to tell the judges what he thinks of John Tesar. “To say there are no small pots is not true because the pot I used on my stock…was just fine.” John immediately shrugs off this criticism as coming from someone who has an agenda against him. Tom Colicchio tries to hide his smile at this but fails. The judges know all too well about the entirety of John Tesar’s personality.

Lizzie’s critique takes another form. Tom presses for details about the experience. Before he can finish, Lizzie almost bursts into tears. “No, it was horrible. I’m sorry. It was horrible.” The only reason why I am not braced for Lizzie’s elimination is that there are still ten minutes left in the program. A swerve is coming.

Continued:       1       2       3       4       5