Survivor Philippines: Finale Pt 2

Million Dollar Question

By Ben Willoughby

December 18, 2012

I won Survivor *and* I can help you with your problems in the bedroom!

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After the break, it’s time to vote. We see RC vote for Lisa (or Wonder Woman. Though I think at all times Lisa wore more clothes than Wonder Woman ever did). RC claims to have known what a threat Lisa really was, which just shows how bad a player RC was.

Jonathan is more generous in the voting booth. “Well played. Pretty flawless game. It hurts, but my congratulations to you.” That’s nice, but it doesn’t completely negate his big look-at-me moment on what is probably the last time he will ever have a large audience. More than anything, I think he’s miffed that his path to being the Sole Survivor was exactly the same one that Denise succeeded with – riding Ox Michael and Ox Lisa to the final three.

Carter votes for “Skoopin.” Joke writes itself.

Probst collects the urn, thanks everyone for a great season and announces that the reading of the votes will take place back in the States and then walks out. No jetski? Denise makes an awkward face and that’s that.

Wait! No! Now we’re transported live to CBS Television City. There are the castaways all looking much fatter! And there’s Probst bringing in the urn! Past the people waving paper versions of RC without faces (or even heads) but reproducing the leopard print bikini in exhausting detail.




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After a moment of silence for the victims of the tragedy in Newtown, Probst reads the votes.

First is RC’s vote for Lisa.

Then Jonathan’s vote for Denise.

Then Carter’s vote for Skoopin.

And then it’s Denise – Jungle Mama (from Malcolm, I guess), Denise, Denise, and the Sole Survivor and winner of the million dollars is Denise! So even Abi (!) voted for Dense! Hooray! Free sex therapy for all Iowans!

Denise rushes over to hug her family. There’s Denise’s husband, who we met for about ten seconds. And here are the other survivors, some of whom are just as memorable! Stay tuned for the recap of the Survivor Reunion.


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