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Let’s count up the mistakes. Stefan overcooks the duck. Brooke’s flavoring is too sweet. The Top Chef birthday curse is in play. Hugh moves on to the next dish by Joshua and John. He firmly states, “As a guy who makes grits pretty much every day of my life, those grits suck.” Tom notes that the sauce and the meat also suck while Daisley Gordon questions the creativity of the dish. I’m vaguely surprised no one insults John’s cheesy glasses while they’re at it.

Kristen and Micah produce a cheese component that is so poorly implemented that Padma cannot identify it. There is also not enough of the curd flavoring, the required ingredient of the dish. Sheldon and Bart absorb a similar complaint regarding their (lack of) salmon candy flavoring. The old maxim “everyone’s a critic” is shining through at judges table.

There is fear in Padma’s eyes as she samples the final three dishes. The fear is quickly confirmed when she announces that Josie and Eliza’s clams have sand in them. Gail Simmons adds that hers has a rock in it. CJ and Tyler’s burgers are somehow less popular. Hugh describes it as a “really spongy, gross bottom bun”. Right on cue, Tom laments the laziness of presenting a burger as a pickle dish. Demonstrating how agitated the judges are by this point, Danyele and Lizzie’s dessert dish is attacked as well. Even a double dose of chocolate is not enough to satisfy the angry judges. The 16 remaining Top Chef contestants have failed tonight.

Tom delivers the news in person. “You know, I gotta say that overall, we were really, really disappointed today. This was actually a pretty poor showing. The food just wasn’t up to par. These dishes showed just a lack of imagination, a lack of technique. We actually had to apologize to these artisans. We thought these dishes for the most part were pretty bad. We’re not going to award a win to this at all. This ten thousand dollars is off the table. Each of you are responsible for the overall failure of these dishes and so we’re sending an entire team home tomorrow. Now listen, we’re doing Last Chance Kitchen again. So if you lose, you got a chance to get back in. So step it up, take some risks. Get some sleep, think about this. We’ll get through judges table tomorrow but you guys, whoever’s left standing, you guys, you gotta push it.” The entire Top Chef crew has just been sent to the Principal’s Office.

The question becomes who is the worst of the worst. I expect all 14 contestants to be called to judges table. Instead, only three teams are humiliated. Stefan and Brooke, John and Joshua and CJ and Tyler finish on the bottom on a day where everyone smells like bottom. Come to think of it, just imagine how bad these three dishes must have been to throw under Josie and Eliza's food with sand and rocks in it. No matter which of them is eliminated, a great player is going home. Stefan, Brooke, John and CJ are all capable of winning Top Chef. At least one if not two of them will not advance beyond this episode. That is an upset of Jennifer Carroll proportions.

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