Survivor: Philippines - Episode 12

Shot Into Smithereens

By Ben Willoughby

December 6, 2012

No one told me there was going to be math and stuff.

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It’s time for the loved ones to leave, and Michael hugs his son goodbye. “Give me your shirt!," he says. Justice presumably leaves to be cast in his own Judge Judy-type show.

Probst sighting! Immunity challenge! And it looks like Lisa got hold of Justice’s shirt as well. And shorts? Abi must give up her immunity, leaving her no option but to flirt with Probst. That done with, Probst has to describe the challenge. Out in the water, the castaways must race across bamboo balance beans to get to a platform. Next they get a rope tied to a grappling hook, which they use to retrieve bags. Once they get all three bags, they have to swim to shore, then untie the bags and erect a pole out of the sticks inside. First to get their pole to hit the target with enough force to release their flag, wins. Bags, pole, erect, hit the target, this Probst commentary should be filled with innuendo. (But sadly, it won’t be.)

Anyway, the winner will have a one in five shot of winning. Losers. Tribal Council. One of you will be voted out.

Michael is across the balance beam first, followed by Lisa (!) and Abi (!!). Denise earns the Probst Pick It Up award for getting there last. Malcolm is the first to collect a bag, followed by Lisa (!!!), Abi (!!!!) and then Carter. But then Carter grapples his second and third bags in quick succession before Malcolm even has his second bag, and is swimming to shore.




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After that, Carter, Malcolm, Lisa and even Denise – who gets called out, but this time for the Probst Great Comeback Made Up A Lot Of Time Award – get their three bags, leaving Abi in last. And then when Abi gets her third bag, she spends so much time arranging them before jumping in the water that Probst calls out “Let’s go Abi” and “taking as much time as she can." Abi swims to shore, but she loses a bag before getting there and has to go get it. “Abi finally joins the group,” mocks Probst.

Meanwhile, Carter is putting rope to stick. Lisa has also decided her rickety pole is good enough. Michael’s pole is “not long enough," according to Probst. And Carter’s is “too short." They go back to make their poles longer and stronger.

Eventually it comes down to Carter and Malcolm. Carter is tapping hopefully at the target with his flaccid pole, but it is Malcolm who hits the target, releases the flag and wins immunity. Malcolm is guaranteed a spot in the final five. And the final four, since he has an immunity idol. Anyway, it’s Malcolm’s first individual immunity win, which is great for him. Not so great for the other five, one of whom will be going home.

And not so great for Lisa, who is “so bummed." After 31 days, Lisa was finally “ready to play hard," but her plan has been (English accent here to showcase Lisa’s dramatic range) “shot into smithereens." Nutcracker-style music plays as Malcolm talks about how relaxing it is “to not worry about people going off in pairs." He talks about how he is guaranteed final four, then adds the Survivor words of foreshadowing: “I can taste it." Hope you like fourth place, Malcolm.


Continued:       1       2       3       4       5       6       7

     


 
 

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