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Chef Josie is the first to present from the Gray Team. I easily remember her name this week because she is wearing a giant headband that says “CHEF JOSIE”. I’m surprised Spike never considered branding himself in this manner. Anyway, Josie’s offering is a disaster. The turkey is so pink that one judge remarks, “Not recommended by the USDA." If Chef Josie did not have immunity, I suspect she would be in a world of hurt right now.

The judging experience is strange in and of itself. The menus reflect the personalities of Colicchio and Lagasse so they obviously have bias toward their team’s food. Emeril lavishes praise on almost all of his team members while Tom behaves similarly. What eventually happens is that they remove themselves from the discussion, allowing the other four people to vote upon the winner. By the time Kuniko’s dish is described as raw, the result is a foregone conclusion anyway.

The surprise is how dialed up Colicchio and Lagasse become as the judges chime in. I had expected this to be a silly little competition among friends. Instead, it is immediately apparent that bragging rights are vital. After Tom wins the first two votes, Emeril recoils. When Dana prepares to vote, Emeril chimes in. “Don’t forget Brooke’s biscuit!” No one will ever accuse him of being impartial. Alas, Dana and Padma agree with the previous votes. Colicchio’s Cooks defeat Bamslam by a unanimous 4-0 vote.

As shocking as this turn of events proves to be, Kuniko is in danger of being eliminated. After winning the first two challenges last week, she may finish in last place twice in this episode. Josie would be in the discussion if not for her immunity. This is a stunning reversal of fortune for Kuniko, who experienced one of the strongest first episodes in the history of the competition.

Before we get to the elimination, the top three are chosen. CJ, Lizzie and Carla finish on top. CJ was responsible for the key aspect of Turkeypocalypse, the turkey itself. His braised protein featuring Tom’s stuffing (*giggle*) was moist with perfect skin texture. He also loaded up on butter, which isn’t healthy but enhances any flavor profile.

Carla created a carrot soup with turkey meatballs that was so original that Tom failed to recognize his own suggestion. The shocker is Lizzie; her dish is a basic batch of mashed potatoes. Even to consider this as an acceptable dish is bold yet she too has added enough butter that the judges are salivating. Their passion for this flavor is over the top for such a basic dish. Still, they choose not to reward her and instead announce that humble Carla is the winner.

“Winning is amazing. I know my soup was perfect. And I won with basically one hand.”

The bottom four is comprised of Tyler, Kuniko, Sheldon and Josie. While they walk to the public hanging, John Tesar lectures Danyele on why her team was inferior. Joshua clearly wants to throw Tesar a beating. I expect the two of them to conflict often. For that matter, I expect everyone to conflict with Tesar. He really has no tact whatsoever.

There isn’t a lot of complexity to the elimination discussion. Tyler messed up the gumbo, Kuniko failed to cook her dish, Josie served raw turkey and Sheldon’s dish was mushy. Josie goes the extra step to defend Kuniko by pointing out that the Japanese woman selflessly aided at every station during the preparation. Padma curtly states that the judges can only determine who will be eliminated based upon their dish. Uh oh.

Yes, Kuniko went from being the ascending star last week to the person voted out in the second episode in Seattle. Her inability to operate under the constraints of a time limit undid her in the end. This is unfortunate as she seemed like a very strong competitor.

After Kuniko informs the others of her plight, Tesar mans the Douche Fort once again. “I’m one of her biggest fans but you can do potatoes in your sleep as a chef...We had five hours, man. If you can’t taste your food in five hours, your mind is someplace else.” CJ and others point out the ill-considered nature of his comments. Tesar claims “I’m not lecturing you. You’re full of shit right now.” Kuniko was the only person who had befriended him and yet he immediately started criticizing her the instant she was eliminated. When this dude inevitably implodes, a lot of the other players will line up to dance on his grave.

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