New at BOP: Review: Matrix Resurrections Movie Review: Moonfall Movie Reviews: Scream The #1 Movie in America November Forecast The Many Saints of Newark October Forecast New Trivia Question All site updates Share & Save   Tweet Print this column

Reward challenge! Probst sighting! Tandang gets a look at the new Dawson-free Kalabaw tribe, which thankfully means no more Dawson’s Creek jokes. Kalabaw will have to survive on more obscure references, like Get Carter or Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

This is the challenge hyped up in the previews, because in theory each tribe sends out a group of three to push a huge wicker ball into their goal, but in reality it’s an all-in no-holds-barred mud-wrestling challenge with shoving and pantsing and maybe an attempted drowning. The previews even promised that Artis would get upset about something. Come on, don’t let me down!

Probst continues that the first tribe to score three goals will win reward – a trip to a dry hut, where there will be sandwiches, soup, potato chips and brownies. From the gasps uttered by the castaways, Probst had them at “dry hut.”

Tandang has to sit out one man and one woman, and RC and Artis volunteer. The first match is Lisa, Pete and Michael against Jonathan, Carter and Denise. To Probst’s (and my) delight, “things get physical right off the bat” with Kalabaw gaining slowly, but things quickly descend into a slow grind. “Pete going hard after Carter!” is the commentary highlight.

In an effort to seem 20 years younger, Probst claims that Lisa is “old school” because she has grappled Denise to the ground, and then he points out that Jonathan is holding onto the wicker ball through Michael’s legs and pressing against his crotch area, which is “a very intimate way to play this game, but totally legal.” Michael gets his own back by sitting on Jonathan. And then everything gets into a total lock-down and they all just stay there for an hour.

Seriously, an hour elapses while these six people are still stuck in the mud. Jonathan is squashed under Michael all that time. I assume that they all tried making various moves instead of just lying there, but none of them were able to make any headway. Well thought out challenge, Survivor producers! Why not just call this match a tie and put in another group of three players from each tribe? Abi hasn’t even got mud on her yet! Just yesterday, Probst complained about how Abi doesn’t compete.

Jonathan asks Carter if he has one more move in him. Carter says he does, so he’s immediately yanked back and pinned by Pete. So much for that plan. Jonathan starts talking with Michael as one returnee to another about maybe reaching a deal. Jeff Kent does not seem on board, as his contribution is “you’re two-thirds of the way there.” Then Michael suggests a deal where Tandang will let Kalabaw win reward, and Kalabaw will give Tandang all their rice.

“Whoa!” says pretty much everyone on Tandang. “You can cancel that,” says Artis. Jonathan says he’d seriously consider it, but Carter points out correctly that “rice fuels us.” Probst asks Jonathan what they will do for food after this afternoon. “I’ve got a boat. Got a spear. Got a snorkel.”

Continued:       1       2       3       4       5       6       7