This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for March 23, 2012
By Curt David
March 23, 2012
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Get Rich or Die Tryin', Richie Rich, Millions, and Slumdog Millionaire all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My book crush The Hunger Games hits theaters this weekend!!!!!).
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of March 23rd, no movie is stupid enough to be released along with The Hunger Games. So since I can't compare two movies in this column, I'll tell you the top seven reasons why you should watch The Hunger Games.
| WINNER
(1 point per category)
| Reasons to watch The Hunger Games |
| Clearest Title | The Hunger Games has the only title this weekend.
Point.
| Reason #7: Because you read the books and were smitten with the story. (If you haven't read the books, stop being that guy!) |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action/Sci-Fi/Drama/Thriller:
Rated PG-13 for intense violent thematic material and disturbing images, all involving teenagers.
Point.
| Reason #6: Action. It's based on a Survivor-esque death competition! (Tell your girlfriend there's a love triangle and go see this movie!) |
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars) | "May the odds be ever in your favor."
5/5
That's from the book! That makes me excited! Point.
| Reason #5: Because you have been wise with your money so far in 2012, haven't even bought that many Shamrock shakes because of being frugal, that you have now earned the right to spend ten bucks and lose yourself in the magic that will happen in theaters this weekend. |
| Best Part of Trailer | It's the book in live action! I cannot adequately express my excitement with words right now.
Point.
| Reason #4: So you aren't the only person in the world, and this is a literal statement, who didn't see the movie this weekend. (seriously, why are you trying to be that guy?) |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique in X-men: First Class and Winter's Bone, where she received an Oscar nomination.
Point.
| Reason #3: Because of Jennifer Lawrence who was Mystique in X-men: First Class and starred in Winter's Bone, where she received an Oscar nomination. |
| Best Cast | Liam Hemsworth (The Last Song), Josh Hutcherson (Bridge to Terabithia), Stanley Tucci (The Devil Wears Prada), Elizabeth Banks (Definitely, Maybe), Woody Harrelson (Zombieland), and Lenny Kravitz (Precious).
Point.
| Reason #2: Because this story could change your life! (I won't spoil any of the plot, but let's just say I made an analogy with the Capital citizens compared to people in the USA compared to people dying of famine in Africa right now, and it rocked my worldview. I have never felt so convicted). |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Writer and Director Gary Ross has also written and directed Seabiscuit and Pleasantville. Also, the hugely popular book helps the street cred.
Point.
| And the number one reason why you should all go see this movie...is so that it makes enough money to make a sequel, which will give me the opportunity to be type-cast and star as my doppelganger Finnick in the next two movies. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, THE HUNGER GAMES SCORES ALL SEVEN POINTS!!!!!
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you already saw the movie at midnight on Thursday, feel free to take the rest of the weekend off. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Hunger Games is definitely the best movie to watch this weekend!
Conclusion 2: This may be the first or the second movie ever to win all seven points in this column, despite lots of other weekends where there was only one new wide release. Conclusion 3: I wonder who should be my new Hollywood crush for the opening paragraph in this column for next week?
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