Survivor: One World Recap

One World Is Out the Window

By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis

March 7, 2012

But wait! I was totally in control of the game!

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It’s time to play It’s Anyone But Bill.

Bill thinks he is in the power alliance, the alpha male quintet that calls all the shots. Alas, one of those five players, Troyzan, has switched sides. And while we still hate to type the word “Troyzan," this turn of events is indicative of the fact that an alpha male is likely to go home. We would strongly suggest Matt if the Misfits Alliance wants to pick off the strongest players, but that would also mean sending home someone who has helped a great deal in challenges. Seriously, Matt has performed so well that we oftentimes find ourselves wondering if maybe, just maybe, he is as good as he thinks he is.

Our choices are laid out before us when Colton opens his offensive, dumbass hillbilly mouth (one of us is from Tennessee and the other one is from Alabama so we can say this with sincerity). Colton hates black people. He isn’t even subtle about it. He utilizes every euphemism in the book to reveal this without explicitly stating the words. We will not dignify the comments with precise discussion. We will simply note that if someone hated Colton simply due to his sexuality, he would be outraged. Judging someone by their pigmentation, on the other hand, is apparently a-ok in Colton’s hypocritical, tiny mind.

The other members of Manono (correctly) view Matt as the bigger threat. We reiterate that voting out the strongest players this early in the game is oftentimes a crippling mistake. Even so, Tarzan in particular wants Matt eliminated. The Misfits boldly convent=e right in front of Matt, who wanders over and asks about the nature of the conversation. When this query is met with resounding silence, Matt wonders if he is the subject. Tarzan effectively says yes. Matt has taken the temperature of the room and recognized that he needs a sweater. And an electric blanket. And a fireplace. And an active volcano.




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Just before this occurs, Jay recognizes that the tide has turned. He talks his way into the Misfits alliance, which is a heady move on his part. Thus far, Jay has reminded us of J.T. (before he sent the letter to Evil Loser Russell) in that he has great instincts. He is someone we believe could go far in this game. Our concern is that he is now the sixth person in a six person alliance. Then again, it’s better than being one of four people in a four person alliance in the same tribe with a five person alliance.

As Jay improves his position, Matt tries to flex his muscle, literally and figuratively. He pulls aside Troyzan and has a conversation about…something. He incorrectly believes that Troyzan is leading his alliance. This may yet happen as we fervently believe that Colton receives the Mussolini’s Corpse treatment before everything is said and done this season. Right now, he is not someone calling the shots in his group.

Even so, Matt launches into a discussion about how the roosters want to get rid of the roosters so that they can have all the chickens to themselves. Or something like that. Does Matt want Colton as his consort? Is this a Gonzo from the Muppets reference we don’t understand? Whatever Matt is trying to say (and it’s the great mystery of the season to date), he concludes with, “The chickens, they can’t break up the roosters. And that’s how I saw it from day one. And frankly, I saw you as part of the roosters. I would love to create a new reality out here.” Simply by having this conversation, that mission is accomplished.

There is some mystery at Tribal Council because Colton is the man calling the shots. As usual, players are showing faaaaar too much deference to the person holding the immunity idol. And that person wants to vote based upon skin color. When others inform Colton that Matt wants him gone, he reconsiders. Given how mercurial and impetuous Colton is, we have no idea whether he stubbornly dictates that his original choice goes home or if he targets the person with the audacity to threaten him. Either way, the one aspect of this we know for sure is that Colton will claim that his master plan worked perfectly. It’s what low rent nutjobs always do.

Colton chooses Matt, which means that the de facto leader of the Manono tribe is the first one eliminated. Is it too lazy to drop the MA and call them the NoNo tribe? That seems perfect somehow. Colton also reveals that he has the hidden immunity idol to the three remaining players who didn’t know. That little punk is in complete control at the moment. The only thing we have to look forward to is watching how he blows it. We bet his flameout is epic and that he balls like a two year old who lost their candy when he gets eliminated.


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