Survivor: One World Recap

One World Is Out the Window

By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis

March 7, 2012

But wait! I was totally in control of the game!

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Good is matched against evil in the second heat as Monica battles Colton. We hope that Monica wins handily and that an undiscovered breed of venomous snake drops from a tree and poisons Colton. Alas, the Rolling Stones are wise. We do not get what we want but we get what we need. Colton is first to have his work checked but he ruins everything and everything includes reward challenges. Monica continues to impress as she wins on her first attempt. The women are now ahead 2-0. An upset is brewing.

The challenge goes so well for the women that the upset of the day occurs as Alicia beats Jay. We had not anticipated Alicia to complete this challenge even if the curtain were left up and all she needed to do was match item for item…and her teammates were allowed to call out the answers. Somehow, she gets the order correct on her first attempt, which is the most shocking thing on television since Janet Jackson’s halftime show. Up 3-0, the women are in the driver’s seat.

The fourth heat “features” a matchup of Troyzan versus Kat. What’s the opposite of Clash of the Titans? Troyzan tries to play mindgames by shutting his curtain almost immediately. This…doesn’t work. Fortunately for him, Kat has as much chance of getting the order correct in her first attempt as she does at winning Survivor, which is to say absolute zero. This “battle” continues for seven rounds before one of them, Kat, correctly orders the items. We haven’t checked the math on this but we believe random luck is just as likely to account for this as Kat correctly remembering the order.




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Moments later, Christina completes the shutout by defeating Bill. For the first time this season, Salani has defeated Manono at something and they have done so emphatically. A 5-0 victory in a memory game is not going to make Matt happy. If the women show up at the men’s shelter again today, he very well may kill one of them.

What follows next is difficult to believe. The women need fire so they are proactive in asking the men for an ember to start one. Salty over their recent ignominious defeat, the men cast baleful stares at the women. Matt is beside himself with rage over this, stating that if the women do not reciprocate, this has to stop. Colton, who begged the women for attention last week to the point of his breaking down in tears, states that he is a republican. That’s weird for a gay man in and of itself but whatever. When he says, “I do not believe in handouts,” we guffaw. Colton, who was GIVEN an immunity idol, does not believe in handouts. We would point out the hypocrisy of the statement to him but he’s too stupid to understand it.

Chelsea and Alicia determine that they have to utilize the men’s shelter. When they arrive, the men correctly request quid pro quo. They want access to the canoe when the women are not using it. This is a perfectly reasonable request and yet for no apparent reason, Alicia refuses to say yes. She instantly morphs into a coquettish provider of mixed signals. Jay demands a straight answer. While under the men’s roof, Alicia states that she does not believe the men’s deals are fair.


Continued:       1       2       3       4

     


 
 

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