Top Chef: Texas Recap

By David Mumpower

December 26, 2011

Lindsay Lohan thinks Heather is low-class

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Rather than let the chefs go home, Padma enters the kitchen and thereby scares the living daylights out of all the emotionally exhausted competitors. Alas, she is only there to inform them that they are changing locations, heading to Austin. The players are shown on their road trip with Paul taking this opportunity to ask personal questions of Heather about the kind of man she would like. My speculation is a deaf one, at least if she wants a keeper. Heather also ponders to the camera where her life would be if she had started a family at 30. The supposition here is happier, more peaceful and more patient. I know Beverly would be happier if Heather were at home with the kids right now.

Grayson takes over for Lindsay in the flirting with Chris C. portion of the episode. She calls him Malibu due to his obsession with his hair and physique. Given how much everyone on the show is obsessed with his looks, I’m guessing that Chris C. means huge ratings for Bravo. The only way it could be better for them is if he were a better chef.

The destination this week is the Driskill Hotel, where the players will be residing while in Austin. After getting situated, they meet in the kitchen for the episode’s Quickfire Challenge. This one plays upon Top Chef’s immense popularity on Twitter. Fans of the show tweet their suggestions, with Tom and Padma picking the best ones. This premise goes beyond defining terms for the competition. A couple of twists are tweeted in the middle of battle. What starts as a 45 minute bacon challenge evolves into one that requires hash (for a #hashtag challenge) where the contestants must pick a random pantry ingredient and hand it to another chef for their dish.




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Obviously, the best laid plans of all participants fall apart during this competition. While Lindsay is breathlessly flattered in the moment when Malibu Chris chooses to exchange gifts with her, his offering of Sriracha in nowhere near as thoughtful as her maple syrup (dirty!). Lindsay, you’re five episodes into your relationship and it’s clear he is a selfish lover as well as a philanderer. GET OUT NOW! (Call me.)

What is clear about the challenge is that a few too many twists have set several players. Grayson not only used little bacon (it was an add-on more than anything) but created a puff pastry that Tom and Padma question. Moto Chris prepares delicious bacon but ruins it by making the dish far too salty; worse yet, he lies about how much bacon he used. And Ed burnt his hash. Ed was also stuck with Sriracha thanks (?) to bromance buddy Ty, meaning that both twists proved fatal to him. If this had remained solely a bacon dish, he had a fighting chance.

Cementing her face turn (for the moment), Beverly earns a spot in the top group for this challenge in spite of the fact that she had to use a pressure cooker, something she had never done before. Heather’s sourpuss expression gives me a glorious opportunity to drink her tears. Sarah is the next chosen for her subtle flavors with Paul’s blackberries, asparagus and clams dish (seriously). Once again, Paul separates himself from the pack by winning another Quickfire, winning another $10,000. Paul is primarily focused on the fact that he wanted to win in Austin, the place where he lives, but what stands out to me is the fact that at the halfway point of the competition, he has already won $30,000. If Paul fails to win this season, the official champion will make less than a hundred thousand more than he has already.


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