Top Chef: Texas Recap

By David Mumpower

November 23, 2011

So long, Keith. We hardly knew ye.

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“Who would buy pre-cooked shrimp in a cooking competition? The point is to COOK the shrimp.” – Sarah, making the point the judges will reiterate later in the episode. Do people never watch Top Chef re-runs before going on the show?

The ten minutes of video that reveals the cooking preparations of each group paints a clear picture that the Green Team is a finely tuned meal making machine while disharmony drives the Pink Team. Even when Keith provides solid observations about the team’s lack of communication, he is shouted down by Sarah. She and Lindsay have formed a heel tag team whose sole purpose is to counteract each and every move Keith makes for the rest of the episode. This is the reality show demonstration of cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face. When Keith determines to make enchiladas with wheat instead of corn, his “teammates” do nothing to discourage him. With this action, they go from accusing Keith of “slight sabotage” to performing Complete Sabotage.

The Quinceanera is a triumph overall. Most of the food is well received and even the judges sound satisfied overall. There are a couple criticisms, particularly the fact that both teams use store bought tortillas rather than making their own. And neither of the cakes turns out well. The one made by Heather has a comical lean, and although immune Dakota's is pretty, it is also composed of 80% frosting.




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Also amusing is the fact that Blanca makes for a great judge. In fact, Kim and I instantly like her better than Hugh “Impossible to Please” Acheson. Even Tom Colicchio compliments her for her palate and dish evaluations. You have a future in this business in a few years, Blanca. Gail Simmons cannot be everywhere, after all.

Before we get to the judging, let’s take this opportunity to evaluate the mental stability of future Top Chef champion Beverly. Earlier in the episode, she made the rare decision to alienate everyone in an entire grocery store when she jumped the line and started shouting at a butcher. Beverly declared herself the most important customer in the store, stating that they had a lot of orders in the offing and that the butcher had to drop everything for her. It was surreal. Terrell Owens found the display self-aggrandizing. At the Quinceanera, Beverly starts to cry as she watches Blanca enjoy the traditional dance with her father. The future Top Chef champion declares that even though she is a daughter, she wants to prove that she can do as much as a son would have. That’s…messed up. Is she simultaneously auditioning to be a Real Housewife?

The ruling at Judges Table is a foregone conclusion. While neither team performed poorly, everyone expects exactly what happens. The Green Team wins while the Pink Team takes time out from their busy schedule of culinary civil war for Ty-Lör (who will be called Ty from this moment forward because the long version is simply too pretentious), Lindsay, Sarah and Keith to make an argument as to why they should remain in the competition. This is not going to be pretty.


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