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Hosea's crab (as we expected) tastes bad. Jill's ostrich egg quiche apparently tastes like glue. Alex's pork tenderloin is dated. Radhika's avacodo moose is compared to sweet guacamole by Gail. But no dish gets a more visceral reaction from the judges as Ariane's martini, which is so viciously, violently sweet that Padma convulses after a single bite and spits it out into her napkin.

Gloom and doom are in season at judges table. "They took ‘New American' as a buzz word and turned it into clunky regional American," Tom laments. More complaining and criticizing ensues. As I listen, I make my predictions. I'm not too sure about the top, but I think that Jaime at least makes it into the top three, with Ariane, Hosea and Jill comprising the bottom three.

I'm right about Jaime and the bottom three. Joining Jaime at the top are Fabio (with his genetically altered olives) and Carla (a tall, African-American woman with short frizzy hair that points in every which way and big bulging eyes...whenever she's on screen, she looks like she's just finished sticking her fingers in an electrical outlet) who made a wonderful, albeit somewhat boring apple tart. Though I'm pulling for Jaime, Fabio ends up winning and celebrates his victory backstage with some raucous Italian chanting. Clearly, he's stolen a page out of Roberto Benigni's playbook.

So who's going home? Well, if Hosea goes home, it's cause his dish was underseasoned and the crab was gross. If it's Ariane, it's cause her dish was sweeter than Shirley Temple in a vat of Splenda. And if it's Jill...oh, Jill. Yes, you made a bad decision with the ostrich egg. Yes, you fell in love with an ingredient instead of coming up with a cohesive meal...but your defense of your dish (if you'll pardon yet another bad food pun) really takes the cake. You stammered. You stuttered. The words coming out of your mouth didn't follow any tenets of sentence structure that I'm personally familiar with. You made Sarah Palin sound like Condoleezza Rice.

"Jill's defense of her dish was the lamest defense that I've heard in five seasons of this show," remarked Gail, starting off the discussion. Most agree that Jill was more focused on using an ingredient that was unique than presenting a dish that was unique, but Padma strongly fights for Ariane (with her Saccharin-Atomic-Bomb of a dish) to go home while Tom argues that of the three chefs, Hosea was the most complacent.

The three chefs are brought back out and Tom reiterates the case for each chef to go home. I've switched my prediction by this point and am convinced that Jill and not Ariane will be going home. I'm right. Jill with her ostrich egg quiche is packing her knives.

In the back room, Jill is in tears as she bids her chefs goodbye. Ariane is in tears as well, though I think her emotions run more in the area of guilt than sorrow. After Jill leaves, Ariane collapses in Carla's arms saying that she doesn't deserve to be on the show while Carla consoles her.

After two episodes, I'm really starting to like and root for Ariane. Maybe it's just because I've been the underdog for most of my life, but I'd like to see another underdog succeed (though I'll freely admit that she has no chance of winning the entire season).

I can only hope that after two episodes of being on the verge of elimination, she steps it up and decides to deliver some really bold, exciting dishes. After all, if you're going to get sent home eventually, might as well get sent home for doing something that's truly innovative instead of sticking to martinis. At this point, she really has nothing to lose.

Watch What We Say rating for Top Chef - Episode 2: Three and a Half TiVos

Watch What We Say: Rating System

Four TiVos: This is television content raised to the level of a transcendent art form. Not only should you TiVo this program for yourself, you should keep it on your TiVo for future generations to watch and savor.

Three TiVos: This is a very good show with a regular spot in my TiVo rotation. I watch every week and will often invite my friends over to share the enjoyable experience.

Two TiVos: I'll TiVo this show if I need something to watch while I'm folding laundry or dusting furniture.

One TiVo: I actively dislike this show and never allow it to take up space in my TiVo. Often times, I'll gripe about the show's producers, ridicule the actors and lambaste the network for keeping it on the air.

Zero TiVos: If this show is on, I unplug my TiVo for fear that the show is accidentally recorded and my entire home entertainment system gets contaminated with this malignant, diseased trash.

BOP is doing a link exchange with our good friends at Buddy TV this season. For more Top Chef info, visit their site.

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