Monday Morning Quarterback Part II

By BOP Staff

September 3, 2008

Don't ever ask him to look after your luggage.

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Their mistake was in thinking people would come see a movie about this when it's much, much easier to just go out and have actual collegiate experiences.

Kim Hollis: College opened to a woeful $2.6 million in four days and had a weekend per venue average of $997. Say something funny about College.

Pete Kilmer: I bet they wished they had Tom Green in the film.

Max Braden: College gets an F in pulling in the Superbad crowd.

David Mumpower: In this case, the "freshman 15" represents the average number of tickets sold per exhibition.

Daron Aldrige: Wow, a venue average of less than a $1,000. That wouldn't be enough to cover six credit hours at a state school. This performance reminds of another time we saw a kid show star venture into more adult/crude role, like Josh Drake did here, in the form of Saved by the Bell's Elizabeth Berkley shedding her clothes and dignity in Showgirls.

Brandon Scott: This film definitely won't graduate but I am also not asking for any more semesters of this failing garbage.

Scott Lumley: $2.6 million? Wow. That's Pauly Shore territory.

Jason Lee: The American educational system must be in shambles if we, as a nation, were stupid enough to spend $2.6 mil on College.




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Alas, poor Coogan. I knew him well.

Kim Hollis: Hamlet 2 had its first wide weekend with $2.1 million over four days, while its per venue average was $1,064. Say something funny about Hamlet 2.

Reagen Sulewski: To see, or not to see, that is the question... and the answer is "no".

David Mumpower: It's like that reply came out of a holster at high noon.

Reagen Sulewski: I already have three offers from the E! network from that.

Tim Briody: That's actually kind of disappointing considering the trailer kills. I had "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" stuck in my head for days after doing the writeup for the film.

Max Braden: Steve Coogan won me over with this movie. If he wants to do a Hot Fuzz-like parody, I'll be at the box office. I may be the only one on line, but I'll be there.

David Mumpower: Its investors should have followed the sage advice of Polonius, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be: For loan oft loses both itself and friend." How fitting that Hamlet 2 is a box office tragedy.

Sean Collier: "Out, out brief candle! [The theatrical run of a tough-to-market indie comedy]'s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." That's Macbeth V.v. I'm Sean Collier, and I'm the token theater guy. Thank you very much.

Daron Aldrige: Steve Coogan has got to be an emotional wreck this week. Two movies in theaters with one audiences want to see (Tropic Thunder) and one audiences wouldn't give CPR to on the side of the road. But at least Hamlet 2 beat College's venue average. Granted it was by less than $100 but a victory is a victory.

Brandon Scott: I'm laughing at the one person I know who saw this. Shakespeare would be pissed.

Scott Lumley: The Bard must be plotting steely-eyed vengeance for this abomination, but they're probably going to save that for the third movie.

Jason Lee: The American educational system must be in shambles if we, as a nation, thought that Hamlet would return from the dead with Jesus. Hamlet, the character, studied in Wittenberg, which clearly makes him an early Protestant and would have likely brought back Martin Luther, not Jesus. So there, nyah!


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